A Choreographer's Blog

#798

2011-11-29T12:12:00.001-05:00

Whoa, New Blogger Interface feels so..... new.

HOME - take #798.
Walking into the first rehearsal back to MAPPING HOME last week felt a little nerve-wracking but easy - the beginnings of things are always a little funny that way...
First I worry I didn't bring all of the needed "supplies" to rehearsal (I didn't.)
Then I worry that the dancers will forget to come (they didn't.)
Once we are all there, listening to the current interview series (Group Interview #2) picking and choosing what moments we are each fascinated with and diving into work in our private corners --
After that.... it's all good and full of joy for me.

As an added plus, we very well may have invented the silliest performance game ever, thanks to Madeline being slightly run-down and preferring to hold a shape rather than move herself...

Between dancing and laughing ourselves to tears we definitly found the first steps of this newest segment for MAPPING HOME.

Tomorrow I'll edit together some videos of Life as it happened last week - till then, go Occupy something that matters to you and keep the faith that one good, honest smile toward someone can change the course of history.

Reflecting

2011-10-14T11:19:00.000-04:00

Kaatsbaan 2011/Pressing Empty

2011-10-01T10:17:00.001-04:00

Some of these shots are from day to day moments (or special moments in a day/evening) during our residency at Kaatsbaan International Dance Center.
Before our showing on Thursday night, we decided to run out and get in a short photo shoot.
There was dinner, class in the morning, poi to be spun (thanks to Ben) & yes, Neva went running almost every morning!
Enjoy -
This Blog in Pictures is for Sheila Callaghan... who likes the sound of dancers feet during performances ;)

Click here for the slide show

the week before a retreat....

2011-08-18T12:12:00.000-04:00


it's NEXT WEEK??!

Actually, we are pretty ready to go away.
That doesn't mean I don't look at the calendar and freak out.
Because I do.
But thanks in large part to the KP team of Kimberly (logistics) and Anna Lauren (business), things are getting smoothed out, logistics are getting figured and the baby tiger of time will keep rolling.

Next: Get the class schedule in Bellows Falls decided!

More photos from our InStudio on 6/7/11

2011-06-20T11:36:00.000-04:00

Many thanks to AEP for helping us create a fulfilling and successful showing.
Extra thanks to Sebastian Klement for helping with the LiveStream and for taking some pictures of the full experience!

________________________________

Mapping, photos, and caught in the air....

2011-06-15T12:21:00.000-04:00

More soon... including video.... in the meantime - here we go:

Mapping Home InStudio at the lovely Gibney Dance Center

design me

2011-06-06T08:41:00.000-04:00

I look back at things I have written, posted...and the dances that I've built and I think:
Damn... I guess I'm not as private as I think I am.

Because I am.

But these dances aren't.
they are for sure "Written on the Body" as Jeannette Winterson wrote...
or as I said many years ago "All I have is my body to explain to you my mind."

All of the wonderings we pursue to make these works are parts of life that I am trying to understand and put together -
As a collective mind, most of what we talk about, the dancers are interested in exploring as well.......and since much of what happens to us in life is strangely funny, we do spend a lot of time laughing at ourselves.......

So when I look at it all as a collection..... I feel awfully & refreshingly vulnerable for all of us.

Mapping Home will be shown in it's current iteration of rough sketches tomorrow at the newly created Gibney Dance Center @ 890 Broadway.
Hope you can join us in our current search for ways of revealing ourselves to you.....

If you are far away, but are still interested, you can see the showing via our livestream.... Send me a love note, and I'll send you the link ;)

From Ashes and Snow

2011-04-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

This quote was sent to me this morning by someone amazing who wanted to share it with me...
and now...
I want to share it with you...

It arrived with the "Ashes and Snow" Exhibit that was in NYC a few years ago (2008?).

"It is not what is written in these letters that matters.
What matters is what is written on the heart.
After you read them, burn these letters and place their ashes on the
snow, and when the snow melts, and the river rises, go back to this
place and listen, with your eyes closed and a hand cupped over your
ear, and remember."

A thought from Tom Waits...

2011-04-09T10:24:00.000-04:00

A fast quote.....

2011-04-03T16:11:00.003-04:00

The past week has been spent in beautiful Steamboat Springs, Colorado, with a short side-trip to Mars...
oops, I mean Moab, Utah (hike on the Double O and Primitive trail included).

There have been eye-opening visits, new friends made and a wonderful and deep Mapping Home group conversation with a table filled with retired individuals that have lived all over the world: past State Department employees, a yoga professional, Wilderness (that is WILDERNESS, with a "capital W") guides and constantly moving travelers...that have now settled in Steamboat

There were many memorable quotes in the evening, but this one, from my lovely Aunt sticks with me:

"We are here because we chose to be, but also because this place chose us.

And, we are constantly re-inventing ourselves in our time here."

More soon -

Build.......

2011-03-25T10:26:00.000-04:00

Yet another idea of HOME.

(rehearsal work in process)
Kinesis Project dance theatre
Mapping Home
Choreography by Melissa Riker, in collaboration with the dancers
Phrases created by Jun Lee and Ben Oyzon
from Mapping Home Group Interview #1
voices are from Interview.
Video was taken in Gina Gibney Dance Center and DANY Studios
Music in video (temp) - Juicebox and Afro Celt Sound System

Five minutes of dancing.... in process

2011-03-11T12:52:00.001-05:00

Hi there - I've been gone a while -
I admit it - but in that time, we were invited to take part in AEP, and thanks to that program, we've had our first group interview for MAPPING HOME -
(how completely cool it was too!)
There will be more coming soon - the events page on our website will fill up quickly, you just watch....

With many thanks to the brave individuals who came and shared their thoughts with us, I offer you our first bit work to come from the interviews: MAPPING HOME / this rock

The phrase work was created by Zoe and Hilary as they zoomed in on aspects of one of our interviewees who spoke of a rock on the tip of an island - each paid attention to a different aspect, one was focused on water, the other, on the foundation of rock...

This, as always, is a very first step - the first version is just their phrases put together as a duet. Then as I was watching, I felt I wanted another layer.... So as always, layers lead to meaning, and I feel like we've hit a good groove with this beginning.

(rehearsal work in process)
Kinesis Project dance theatre
Mapping Home
Choreography by Melissa Riker, in collaboration with the dancers
Phrases created by Hilary Brown and Zoe Bowick from Mapping Home Group Interview #1
Dancers in full segment: Hilary Brown, Zoe Bowick, Madeline Hoak, Jun Lee
Temporary Music for piece - Meditative Voices

Fire Escape musings Flipped and Edited...

2011-01-31T09:02:00.001-05:00

Yippee! The project that I worked on while we were prepping for Mapping Home's initial showings
was called "Flipping With the Dance Enthusiast" and is done!
The assignment for the program is: "What is your day?"
So....I brought a Flip Camera with me to my morning to-do list, to rehearsal, on walks, to Halloween and to our showings....
those were the best ways I could think of to bring you into a day (or few)....
And this edit job of the team at Dance Enthusiast really does -

Many thanks to Homer and the wonderful dancers of Kinesis Project -
Zoe, Madeline, Hilary, Jun, Rebecca and Ben....without you, it wouldn't matter.

http://www.dance-enthusiast.com/features/view/166

Bundled and Full....

2010-12-17T12:39:00.001-05:00

Oh the ideas of Home are flying in and around.... so....
We took one rehearsal off from prepping for APAP (yes. APAP... check us out on Facebook right here: Kinesis Project)
and began really diving further into Home, cycles of life, what you inherit, rituals around building a Home, and how those ideas translate into spaces inside and outside....
So...
Madeline and Ben are building a "negotiations" totem pole, and Zoe is working with ideas of ritual....
and...
We now have a flip-cam to dedicate to interviews and of course Skype will be a big part of that as well - so the next step is to move past our own thoughts, and into YOUR thoughts.

I am thrilled that we are supported and moving forward in this personal, yet universal theme...that the concept of crowd-sourcing is moving beyond finances and into how this art will actually be made....and that the myriad of environments we will visit to build this work are so full of potential!

and here's a lil' Mapping Home blog bonus!
Joe Silver was at our showing on Nov. 18 and took some great pictures:

Rebecca Patek and Hilary Brown

Zoe Bowick

Jun Lee, Madeline Hoak and Zoe Bowick

Benjamin Oyzon and Zoe Bowick

Rebcca Patek and Jun Lee

Jun Lee, Zoe Bowick

Zoe Bowick, Rebecca Patek, Hilary Brown, Ben Oyzon

Benjamin Oyzon

Ben Oyzon, Jun Lee, Madeline Hoak

Rebecca, Jun, Madeline, Zoe, Hilary

Rebecca, Jun, Madeline, Zoe, Ben

Zoe Bowick, Jun Lee

Jun Lee, Madeline Hoak, Zoe Bowick

Jun Lee, Madeline Hoak

Hilary Brown

Mapping now

2010-11-22T16:50:00.000-05:00

We've done it.
Mapping Home is funded, will exist, and now......

The work begins.

In it. Again.

2010-10-29T14:23:00.000-04:00

An Iron. Curtains. Chairs. Soup. Cooking. A comfy bed. Freedom to yell from room to room. A cast-iron skillet. Knowing where things are, even in the dark. A toilet. A coffeemaker...
Some things sound funny when people realize what it is that makes an indoor space feel like Home.
and then... there is the abstracted idea of Home -
A place outside of the "normal" idea of home that brings you a feeling of self. Of peace.
Rolling water under a surf board.
A wide vista from a breezy hillside.
Family members.
Contraptions that Move you (ski lifts, trapeze, swings...)

.....

here's a little video of our (slightly messy) process from recent days in the studio

and a gentle reminder to those of you that haven't yet explored the full project...

visit our Kickstarter page to get involved... :

From theory to feet

2010-10-09T01:29:00.000-04:00

Next week begins rehearsal of Mapping Home.
...and I wonder - when will I walk into a dance studio with an idea that HASN'T been wandering in my mind for YEARS?
Maybe it will always be this way -

About 10 years ago a friend told me a I have an emotional "simmering" time.
Say something to me, walk away, let it move around, perhaps hit all the right synapses, come back and THEN I react.
But that was ten years ago....
I'd venture to say that my "brain to mouth filter" is in a mostly off position these days... thanks to that same friend and extremely significant relationships - expression is good, clear expression is great - clear expression with a strong dose of generosity is best.

However - with dances...it seems to still be true - an image appears and three, four sometimes ten (!) years later, a dance appears.

I'm a little slow, I guess.

But the timing needs to be right - in me, and in life to make the dance make sense...

So here comes Mapping Home - slowly down the pike - years of thinking about what feels like home to me - wondering why I don't need a house to plan for or why I've never really felt at home inside walls...........picking up speed to find myself in a place emotionally where home is an independent choice, and a neighborhood that though far from many things I call comforts, feels freeing and more like a place I could stay for a long time than most other spots I've lived...... and finally running downhill as I realize thanks to the internet that my need bring the audience into the work - into the process and having a voice in how it happens at all can be actualized ....... to this point... walking into the studio to see where we are starting.....we are picking up momentum and reality...all good things so far -

Tuesday: we will start with the dancers in the room, our thoughts of Home, and move outward-

Currently the only way to be interviewed is to be part of our Kickstarter Campaign - once that is successful, we will move on to the next community and volunteer options -

So spread the word and let people know this is beginning -

dancers Jun Lee and M.Riker / photo by Eva Yaa Asantewaa

Mapping Starter....

2010-09-23T22:33:00.000-04:00

And so it begins...an adventure into how a broad spectrum of people see "Home".
Kickstarter is an amazing viral funding tool that offers rewards for donations as little as $1...

Check it out and share the links:

Like an onion paired with chocolate cake

2010-09-16T09:47:00.000-04:00

Living in this funny place of two pieces in my mind at the same time (actually there are more than that...but let's call it two for simplicity sake) I have Pressing Empty and the new work MAPPING HOME wandering through and bumping into one another regularly.

Again I am struck with my reasons for making dances. Pressing Empty uncovers the minute moments of decision making that get us to where we are (and whether it is where we want to be...), Mapping Home is, so far, based on who we are and how that is expressed in our world around us....or not.

Mapping Home looks for the place of "safe" and "home" that we don't often get to visit - the spaces on this earth that you'd rather sit in, the place that gives you a release and sense that you are exactly who you are, partially because of this spot, or spots like this.

Folding Chair by Regina Spektor. fabulous summery and playful...
("I've got a perfect body, though sometimes I forget; I have a perfect body, because my eyelashes catch my sweat...")

And in the joy of finding out where we feel most ourselves...there is always a little time spent looking back at how we became.
Recently I have been thinking about who has helped build me, and what we are all doing now...in love, married, gone, still searching... and as I have before, what part of those building blocks get discarded, and what is still essential. What is it about these places we feel at home that express both who we are in our purest form, and how we have arrived at who we are.

So much more to discover...and just as the cake is layered with sweetness, the onion's peels bring tears.
More soon...

Confabulation - Brain Dances

2010-07-28T21:59:00.001-04:00

My friend Daniel posted this word last week sometime -
And its been turning over and over in my mind since.....
________________________________

con-fab-u-late

1. To talk casually; chat.
2. Psychology To fill in gaps in one's memory with fabrications that one believes to be facts.
[Latin confabulari, confabulat- : com- , com + fabulari, to talk (from fabula, conversation; see fable).]
confabulation n, confabulator n, confabulatory adj

_________________________________

How the mind puts together stories... and how they are accepted-

Sparks interesting thoughts also that "to talk casually" is the same word as "fabrications"

Perhaps it is getting closer to the bit I said to friend Erin the other day "A really good liar doesn't always know they are lying, because they believe themselves in that moment."

So "casually" able to "fabricate"...

However, for those of you playing along at home.....(most of you?)
- Confabulation is NOT lying -
It is a psychological disorder -

I imagine it to be much like my Grandmother's conversations in her last year during moments of dementia. We would jump from a reality of 1940, to now, to a news program she had seen, to something completely made up.... all warped/wrapped up in one story, with her as the main character...no knowledge on her part that it wasn't exactly true.

I miss those stories -but that's another entry entirely.

But.. what about those of us that do not have a disorder.... what about the moments when our realities don't mesh with what is in front of us...

You have heard it plenty of times: "I couldn't see it, even though it was right in front of me"

What do our minds want us to see?

How much of it is patterning....and how much of it will go away with time and change of scenery?
We are patterned, our brains have pathways that get used more regularly...we tell ourselves stories to get used to the way things are.... or are not.

The song by John Doe "Golden State"... not sure why it comes to mind with this word... maybe because of his raw and fantastic imagery...both sweet and bloody - the two things that combine to make relationships, people... memories stick together or fall apart - each person with their story of how it happened and why. Course...I don't know what "the feeling you get in the Golden State" is.... but I know what it is to walk away...and to be walked away from.

John Doe and Cindy Wasserman - Golden State

Tough on Equipment, But Nice Anyway.

2010-07-18T09:54:00.001-04:00

Life has stages.
On some, good art happens, on others...mediocre.
My hope?
that I'm standing on the right one at the right time.

ok, fine.
That was a bit of a departure from the initial thought.
Lets's start over:

Life has stages, and transitions.
Some are large Goal-Post-Surrounded-Landmarks. Most, however, are imperceptible moments that let light in just a little more.
They let us "become", gently.
The curve in conversation where it is clear that the future is irrevocably changed, the past is most definitely in the past and not to be revisited or really discussed....
Something makes you realize that each step is a step away from "this" and toward "next" ....
That each morning woken up with a beautiful smile and cup of coffee is another day of happiness.
....Fact is, you probably knew these things already - but there are little reminders that snap perspective into place....and they are usually not big and dramatic experiences.

But for me, that's where the dances live. In those tiny moments that we have the freedom to poke around in, to make them a bit bigger, to shake them up and place them on stage for all of us to point and laugh, or to wonder at our own ability to shut out change.

(for those of you reading this on Fbook, video from Pressing Empty is embedded here)

During the three years of building Pressing Empty, my life was restructured and rebuilt - filled to the brim with a home, creativity, smiles and generosity.... my friends are blessed beings and my love is amazing.

There is a little girl whose life I follow closely out of a protective love for her and her parents.
Her growth is a physical example of the changes I have seen. Her amazing journey and incredible parents are my gentle tracking of our lives and how we stand up for who we are. How I have changed, who she is becoming, the choices we all make and which life we want. Her family has had to fight for their lifestyle - she has become a beautiful little fighter and I look forward to teaching her to dance.

I want this life I have been lucky enough to stumble into - and I want to keep sharing it with my loved ones, their families and...
I will keep inviting you in.

Mappings

2010-07-16T12:10:00.002-04:00

Its 11:50 on Friday morning and I may end up traveling my way downtown... but before I do that - there are some new internal workings I feel I should bring up to you -

My sense of HOME has always been screwy. Not in a bad sense... just in a wandery are-you-sure-this-is-home sense.
I find this interesting because I grew up in one house - unlike many of my friends, my folks didn't move until after I was living in NYC (which explains my retardation when it comes to trying to navigate around near them) So I would think I'd have a very good sense of what feels like home.

Nope.

Dumb as a doornail.
ok, not really -
but I've never had the "This is home and I will always live here foreverness and a day" feeling. (though where I am right now is the closest I've come...I think it is a combination of the relationship and the work we've done to make this spot feel this way.)
Yet in friendships I have been blessed at a sense of home with people that have stayed close friends - sometimes in very surprising meetings (PATH trains, parks, sidewalks, etc)....its easy and comfortable. And I can stay present without effort.

And this is why MAPPING HOME has begun. Because I want to know how it works for other people besides me (I get bored of me quite quickly, I'd much rather know about you, us, and everything)

What does home feel like? And where is it outside of a normal concept of home?

For me, more than any building besides the one I grew up in, the beach is home to me. Put me near a body of water and I may not move away from it for hours.... (consider yourself warned!)

Kinesis Project will actually be interviewing individuals to learn more about how people relate to home - you can let me know via comments if you'd like to be part of the first wave of discussions.

Take a Bow.... and maybe a glowstick!

2010-06-30T20:25:00.000-04:00

It's hard to describe the feelings standing backstage while the amazing woman making the announcements in front of the curtain is talking about YOU.
ok fine.

ME.
I'm brave, blushing, cocky, shy, and nervous!... B was standing nearby and asked if I was nervous (because she was)...... I whispered:
"Yes! Absolutely I am!"
I was a new kind of nervous...
It's not your run-of-the-mill "I hope I dance well and remember things" kind of nervous...
This was a "Hello folks! Yessiree! I was allowed to teach your children for 8 weeks... lookie what we did!" kind of nerves...
The kind where you realize the audience, the very full audience, made up primarily of teenagers and parents, has every right to judge you completely and totally.

Ugh.

But for all those little nerves and questions....there was so much joy! Around me, next to me... running down the hallway at me...
I loved it.
Caroline had told the students to not go looking for me because I was getting ready to perform...so when I saw them in the hallway:
N burst out "I didn't find her! It was an accident!!"
K said "Ms. Riker we wouldn't come find you, but you found us!"
all these moments of excitement, pictures taken and dances performed in their one chance in front of family and peers.... (no pressure! wow.)
I fell in love all over again.
With the immediate emotion these dancers bring to their dances, the questions on their faces and the crazy beautiful exuberance that happens in a moment's notice...(directly after a major bout of pouting in some cases.) I was thrilled.
J and J performed a wonderful duet I was honored to have been part of coaching, A, C and M rocked with their trio, M and L had finished their duet (they were worried - when I left SYR they had taken two rehearsals to create 8 counts... sometimes that's the way it goes)

25 pieces... well.. 26 if you include mine.

Many of them solos and duets that the students had choreographed.
Interspersed were the class dances that we had created together - Caroline had been rehearsal director for these dances that were completely unfamiliar to her, with movement made by someone slightly more monkey than lovely...and she did a terrific job.
She gave them counts (I didn't) and the classes found their dances during their 5 or 6 weeks of rehearsal after I was gone.

....and then something happened that FLOORED me. I've heard people say that (OK, mostly my Mom says "It floored me"...and I think it means "felt like it knocked you down it was so surprising".)

And this did - .....A speech was given by M, H and A (possibly the most beautiful speech I have EVER been the focus of btw) explaining that Period 6/7 had created a second class dance - they had taken the floor phrase I had taught as a fun warm up with some nice balance and floor challenges - they said they had combined the things I had taught them (martial arts, circus and dance) and made this dance as a dedication - to me! (What?!?...oh my goodness!)
... it was to Jack Johnson's warm and folksy song that we'd listen to for extra smiles when we needed them: "Better Together"
Fabulous warm fuzzies for all!

The dance that I had worked with 6/7 on incorporated glowsticks -

And wow! did it work! the entire stage vibrated with colors and small points of light - they were beautiful. (this is the best picture I have of it -doesn't do it justice at all - no fault of the photographer...glowsticks are hard to capture.) Their ending was supposed to be a dramatic exit through the audience with glowsticks - they created their ending, swirling as they should but then in the dark lined up in front of the stage, their backs to us...when they turned around we saw they had shaped the glowsticks into "THANK YOU MS RIKER"
I almost passed out..I didn't - but I did clap and yell my cheers and hope they could hear me.

In the end all of these dancers: Ensemble, Per 1, 2, 4, 6/7 ...soloists, trios, duets and groups - worked hard and reaped what they sowed - it was successful. I am proud that The West Genesee Dance Department's presentation of "Arrival" was the culmination of a residency by Kinesis Project dance theatre.

And if I had glow sticks to return the amazing favor of my name in colored shapes.....I would say "THANK YOU WEST GENESEE"
for 8 weeks that kept me laughing, patient, open, breathing, doing yoga after lunch, partnering after school, crunches on Tues and Thurs, capoeira in a parking lot, a dance on an outside wall, 11th Period breaks = run-ins with boys and fun conversation, and finally, paying attention to even the smaller moments of Arrival.

Have a wonderful summer, dancers. (but that would take a lot of glowsticks.....)

Mapping Home - Step 1

2010-06-09T19:07:00.000-04:00

I will post more about the overall experience of being at WGHS for the final performance of the work we did in my next post.

In addition to going up and seeing all of the students again (yay!) and getting some amazing feedback from students and parents I was asked (as you know) to perform. I chose to work on something new...
and I can officially say:
The first Mapping Home solo has been performed....and in it a discovery made....
a question of comfort and home coupled with text about being uncomfortable...
hmmmm... more to look at there for sure.

In the meantime...
Text (and some pictures taken by my friend Lisa) below:

A sage whisper crawls up my thigh
...past my waist and breast...
it tickles with breathy advice
as I lean toward you...
"Complete a movement, words are the same...'like' doesn't feel this way"

I lean forward.

Blue eyes wonder

Why I start/stop sentences, phrases, movement
I have aquired an
Emotional stutter...

I can dance without stops,
I can wander this impossible city in one-long-breath
But I can't seem to tell you - that I..
well.
I.
Will
I well...
I...

My eyes close and I see eyelid movies of us...
Cold towel hooks tiles on my back..
a rose in pieces...
Red petal words cause stuttering in my brain
Like pumpkin seed thoughts, caught in my
teeth.

I have bitten you, instead of telling you,
That I could find more -
Here.

I lean forward.
Taking weight in my hands..
Willing you to watch my mouth, tell you:
I am falling.

all photos by Lisa Shoemaker all text by M.Riker

Naive Melodies and Thoughts

2010-05-25T09:30:00.001-04:00

Sitting in these thoughts of home and letting Shawn Colvin sooth the more jagged edges.
I'll be performing a brand new solo to this version on June 8th in Syracuse.

This is the springboard. New piece, new thoughts...gotta start somewhere.

Shawn Colvin covers The Talking Heads' "Naive Melody (this must be the place)"

In Step

2010-04-27T09:22:00.004-04:00

Kinesis Project in Parks:
Sept 12th - Performances in Ft. Tryon Park in the Cloister Gardens
Sept 19th - 4th Annual performance in Battery Park

AND....to bring up something we haven't talked about in a while....
thoughts of Home beyond the four walls of a house, apartment, etc....

how many places can we find that map a sense of home - an outdoor experience of an internal and emotional patterning.....

More soon.

Letting Go

2010-04-16T17:57:00.009-04:00

Week 8, part II
*************************************
I am writing this while traveling back to NYC from Syracuse -
This week grades were handed in, costume spreadsheets completed, and goodbyes gained momentum....
The past two days have a been a whirlwind of completing choreography with the Ensemble (Advanced) and my 1st Period class (Intro) -
I am proud of the work we've all done - and of the chances they took along with me on this curving 8 week ride.

And........I can't end the ride without thank yous to Karen Kotlar, my housemate and overall teaching mentor (whether she knew it or not) Bill Davern, and the amazing staff of the West Genesee Performing Arts Department - I am incredibly thankful for the speed of reaction, openness and clarity demonstrated repeatedly.

The appreciation I've been shown in the past two days is warming and wonderful - beautiful cards, both hand-drawn and purchased, gifties, cookies and multiple cookie cakes and treats! (I think I gained back any weight I might have lost in my time here simply by celebrating with cake or cookies every 41 minutes today!!)

Choreographically I am pleased - The Ensemble's piece has technique and loads of intricate personality that I hope they can keep with them for the next few months and the Intermediate classes have created pieces that beautifully express the creativity of each class.

I will be going back to see the final products in June - My hope is to offer the Standing Room open commission with them and possibly perform in the show alongside the dancers.

Besides the beautiful lessons these students have offered me: reminders of what it is to love immediately, the vulnerability of a wide open heart and the ease at which change can appear, effect us, and leave; I have learned much about myself - my patience levels, my ability to see what is in front of me, all I certainly still need to learn about grading, breaking down information and mixing playfulness with solid. The last I think I may have done successfully, but I'd love to know that I can offer more technique with my play over time.

In the Fray of Endings

2010-04-12T18:08:00.007-04:00

Week 8
***************************************
This is it - my time in Syracuse is coming to an end - each day now marks the thoughts of "wow. that's the last..."
I found myself generous with 1st period, incredibly frustrated at bad behavior in 2nd period, giving 4th period a playful choreography assignment, taking 6/7 outside to create a dance in the chilly sunshine and getting just this much closer to finishing the piece for the Ensemble.

The behaviors in 2nd period are upsetting because when they are good, I love them. But when they are bad, I could easily walk out of the room and not look back.

Of course all teachers feel that way about one class or another. I'm lucky that most of my classes can stay focused and on the tasks of dancing. But I also admit, that is not behavior one sees often in the arts professionally. Oh sure, we've all got our fruitbat scenarios (as friend Patrick calls certain types of rehearsals) but disinterest and flat out rude behavior? No. Not as often.
So they are not inspired, and I am not inspired to do the work to inspire them....
What an ugly spiral that is!
So I'll avoid that if I can manage to stick to the positive ideas, and find their creative joy again.

And here we go - I may try to post mid-week since we all know how quickly things shift during the final moments somewhere!

Arrival - Beginnings, Endings and Continuing onward...

2010-04-04T22:02:00.005-04:00

Week 7
***************************************
Last week I gave three out of five classes a "free-write" assignment -
I asked them to crack open their minds on the topic of "Arrival" and just write for ten minutes.

There were questions and concerns, but once those were allayed, and I reminded them that I didn't even need their names on the top of the page... ("So just vent on paper?" "Yes...with Arrival in mind as a place to start." "Oh! ok!!") there was a sense of freedom in the room as they became the quietest I have ever experienced them and just plain wrote about whatever came to mind for 10 minutes.

Afterward, we discussed what they had discovered - that an arrival is usually the ending of one thing and the beginning of another, but that nothing really ends....or that often the assumption is that Arrival is a happy thing, but maybe it isn't always -

I have read personal accounts of birth, or relationships, of death and interpretations of dances...words of songs and even thoughts about my arrival to them as a teacher...

And I am thrilled at what we've found together -

In my first intermediate class (the class that seems to have gotten more circus partnering out of me than the others) I used this free write as a way to begin finding a title to their piece. I loved all of the conversations we had about beginnings and celebration of successes however small they might be -

In the second intermediate class we didn't use it as a title search, but we did find much to talk about and explore on the various ways arrival affects lives... they also wrote about what is like to have a different dance teacher and how the experience is good for them as dancers.

For me, this week's challenge will be:
- tying up the loose ends in choreography
- supplying classes that will keep feeding this new sense of emotional connection to why we move
- continuing on with the movement info I really want to leave with them

Looking forward...

An Addendum....

2010-03-30T21:37:00.002-04:00

On second thought...I'm all about dealing with, and enjoying what is in front of me....

Its all good.

And let's do this thing.

Whatever it is.

Uh-Oh

2010-03-29T18:35:00.006-04:00

WEEK 5
****************************************
This is the week of self-doubt.
When I started teaching I was going to create dances like no-one had ever seen before on the WG stage...
And now I'm not so sure.
At least about my beginner classes -

We are still having fun - and all of us are learning - but there are bumps in the road -
Like...the levels of training, the level of focus (or lack thereof) and the questions I have about how to build a piece based only on what I walk in the room with -

There isn't time to build something extravagant or full of concept because I taught for a week, started building phrases and now have 41 minutes a day to create each piece.

Sometimes I end classes feeling as though the experience is well worth the confusion of choreographing this way - and sometimes....

I hear the voices of my teachers "Choreograph to music without words first" and feel like I am mis-leading them.....
...or there is a sense that I am accidentally choreographing something that falls directly into the recital focus genre that I so strongly disagree with as a teacher, dancer and choreographer....
because here I am with my kids dancing to DJ Earworm

and Jay Sean

Why? Because my gut told me they would be that much more on board, get more out of this experience...and be more open to trying things if we were dancing to music that made them happy immediately and gave us all a lift when we crank it up and dance.
The good news, is that it does...hopefully the bad news is all in my mind.

Lets call it an experiment.

The Torture of Order

2010-03-22T13:19:00.006-04:00

Week 4
*************************
My Ensemble class are troopers...they are in the process of building a piece that currently has no order...that experience can seem endless when your mind is just full of segments of movement

(see last post's reference to J, 4, T, 5, 6, etc)

They are all capable of the movement I dole out - and what a joy that is...I can throw things at them that would be seen in a class in NYC and in choreography in KP - the challenge for all of us is the ever-growing question: What will this new piece for this class be?

well I don't know!

OK, so that isn't true - I have plenty of ideas...more each day.

We are starting here:
..Memories of someone you miss, the details of day-to-day, excitement at the prospect of seeing them again...

But what it might be in story and content is completely up to them...their life experiences, their choices in movement and together we will build something that has movement that comes jumping out of me, and sections that are completely theirs. I love it - and I hope they can dig deep enough to find excitement for their own stories shining through in this work.

************************
One bit of fish-out-of-water admittance here: I have to order costumes out of catalogs!
um.
*glup*

I can do it. I can do it. (chant with me now...)

Dances? Classes? 41 minutes to warm-up, teach something and create choreography?
No problem.
Glittery catalogs of smiling dancers in top hats? ARGH!

Hey...wait...some of those are cute.....this could be... fun!

Teaching Balance

2010-03-15T17:03:00.013-04:00

I am a teacher. At least for 8 weeks. In a High School in Syracuse NY that houses a fabulous Arts Department and, you guessed it, a dance studio -
A big, beautiful dance studio (though it shrinks when you put 25 dancing bodies in it).
Between 7:30am and 12:30 pm 105 teenagers join me in the constant search for expression and keeping ourselves entertained.

As dancers who work with me in Kinesis Project know, my process is not linear - its almost completely alinear - if that's a word. This is a challenge for young dancers who have been given dances for a long time that go from A-B-C or maybe A-C-B....if I am really IN a process it may look more like J-5-G-T-9,1,2,F....

I'm not sure if I can explain why that is - its possible someone who loves me could, however.

For most of my classes here I have challenged myself to work the way they do - Four of the classes are learning movement, or generating from my base movement and then I am building the order in a good 'ol A,B,C kinda way -
The ones who are really getting the brunt of my un-line-ing are the Ensemble group.

My Ensemble class is the last of my day, they are the most advanced dancers and the most willing to deal with a nutty choreographer (although I think the others like the last part too.)
Some of the classes are getting more focus in circus skill, and this week I'll be starting an after school experience for those who want to learn more partnering skills when I'm able to give more one-on-one attention in the "please don't fall down" and "look at how cool this is" categories.

I don't give homework, I don't always have the best behaving classes, but I do feel like since I've been here there are new bits of information I can give these bodies - hopefully leaving them stronger more willing to try strange things in movement because "one time we had a guest teacher and she always asked why are you doing that movement?, taught us to stand on one another made us do push-ups on Mondays and crunches on Tuesdays!"

My hope is that most are learning to listen to one another just a bit more, to balance lovely with not-so-lovely and story with movement. They are teaching me patience and to look a bit deeper into their eyes when they say "I can't do that."

The teacher I stay with here said: "I won't teach them science in 41 minutes, but I can show them how to be people that make better choices."
In my case, it's not quite possible to get into the details of dance technique - I've got to pray someone else can do that - but I can ask them to calmly listen to one another, teach them ways of getting stronger and show them how to find movement they haven't yet experienced.

A tidbit....

2010-02-27T12:06:00.005-05:00

pulled straight from the middle of the piece.

musical editing by Katie Down
source music Greg Laswell (Cindy Lauper), Penguin Cafe Orchestra and The Turtles.

Mixed, Relieved and Happy

2010-02-17T09:18:00.007-05:00

I have been working on Pressing Empty for three years. You have been reading about it for roughly the same amount of time - not sure you believe me?
Here's the first process post from Dec. 2007.

Emotions after such a large undertaking is accomplished are always complicated. This experience is nothing different. I have moments of utter joy that it has been completed and accomplished after years of thought, movement and writing - and then moments of abject sadness.
HOWEVER, the sadnesses seem to be much more temporary than the joy.
A good sign of more to come and continuing to hone "what it is".

I'm complicated. What can I say?

With the amazing power of music by Katie Down, the lovely lighting of Zac Mosley, the final costuming by Tracy Klein, the incredible support of my right arm Laura Schlachtmeyer and this amazing, fearless cast I have been so lucky to gather - it can all happen again, each time a better stronger work.

Images I love from this performance:
Photos by Bob Riker

Hilary Brown, Madeline Hoak, Jun Lee Zoe Bowick, Nik Priest, Ben Oyzon, Hilary Brown, Rebecca Patek, Wiebke Shuster, Madeline Hoak, Laura Colon Jun Lee, Madeline Hoak, Rebecca Patek, Hilary Brown, Ben Oyzon, Haley Willcox
Jun Lee, Madeline Hoak, Wiebke Shuster, Rebecca Patek, Hilary Brown, Haley Willcox Hilary Brown Hilary Brown, Zoe Bowick, Rebecca Patek, Jun Lee

OPENING

2010-02-11T07:23:00.004-05:00

Pressing Empty Opens tonight....

words. escape. me.

There is a still some work to do on the technical details....but I love the way tech-ing a show creates the necessary repetition so I can see these beautiful dancers digging up their stories and placing them on the stage for you...

Almost there

2010-02-04T18:05:00.009-05:00

We are so close to this huge project being realized - I am incredibly excited and totally thrilled that it is really happening.
Judson Memorial Church is the kind of space that has not only decades of dance history in its walls, but holds that history with beauty. It almost makes me want to start going to church again.

But not quite.

Because dancing is my church and has been for a long time - so...lets say this experience combines many things:
a dance that has been broiling to the surface for almost three years
my love for beautiful architecture
a need to laugh at ourselves and how seriously we take some of the strange parts of institutions in life
& a release into the unknown with a vision of a work so large that two days ago I was sure it wasn't going to happen.

oh but it will - and I will be thrilled... proud and happy to share it with you.
get some tickets....... here, I'll even give you a secret code: DANCER

here's a little funny snippet of Madeline's hat we filmed last fall....

And awaaayyyy we go.....

2010-01-18T13:25:00.005-05:00

More videos to come soon - in the meantime, study this:

Continuum

2009-12-26T00:42:00.004-05:00

I am focused on moments between things.
Actions, people, thoughts, words...all of it....
I jokingly called it an obsession this evening - but I'm realizing that (maybe) I am not joking.

I make dances to explore moments. And to have the freedom to dive as deep into a moment in time between people, experiences or decisions of enormous weight to find out why we do it (or don't do it.)

Generally it is a 50/50 chance that a reason or exploration will unearth things hilariously funny vs. something heartbreaking.

Something you should know:
Pressing Empty is a wild combination of:
- the sense of empty that exists when someone unexpectedly disappears from your life.
- the state of empty that occurs right before, or right after, a decision is made.
.....and
the warning my dad always gave me about driving on fumes.
thus, the name: Pressing Empty.

The tagline?
........decisions, panic & lots and lots of tulle.

Empty. and Walking.

2009-12-06T19:33:00.010-05:00

In 2007 I choreographed our show Right Before You Fell - it was a piece that explored what might happen if all of the elephants-in-the-room, or things we don't manage to say, were physicalized. To serve all that is unsaid.....there needed to be an awkward love story (or two) wound in for good lack of communication.

One "love story" was a series of duets between a singer and a dancer to Crazy by Willie Nelson.
The internal narrative of the dance is a women walking the city to clear her mind of love...but she imagines hearing his voice and his kisses flying towards her on the air.

While I was building the piece with Zoe, my Grandfather (Poppy) passed away.

I came back to the studio knowing deeply that this dance was not just about a break up, but also the intense sense of presence and forever that now fully immersed my Grandmother.

Poppy was gone, but Nanny was feeling him around every corner, and waiting patiently (most of the time) for him to show up, laugh and help her make some sauce.

It didn't happen. Until now. Yesterday my Grandmother passed away. Quietly ushered into death with words of love from my Mom, Dad and me.

And when we celebrate her life tomorrow and Tuesday these new dances about emptiness and fulfillment will begin to be filled with the wisdom of loss, the joy of finding home, and the bubbling laughter that we all can't help but equate with Nanny.

She has always been a wise voice and good listener. She had the strength of love in her actions and words. She will be missed in body here - but her loving ways and advice are part of all of us and will never be lost or forgotten.
Theresa Cerone Sanducci 1926-2009

Beach Dance II (The better edit)

2009-11-23T22:10:00.009-05:00

Film Collaboration between H. Frizzell & M. Riker
Music by Amos Lee

Beach Dances

2009-11-23T12:36:00.003-05:00

Music By Amos Lee
A collaboration between H. Frizzell & M. Riker
________________________________________

New Blood....

2009-11-17T10:30:00.005-05:00

We've had auditions for Kinesis Project and I am excited about what may happen in the next weeks with new dancers coming into the creation process. The dances so far have been Zoe, Madeline and Rebecca....even though both Zoe and Madeline are always helping me push the boundaries
already I've had people say Rebecca's movement changes the work significantly - that makes me happy - I love that we grow and change based on the dancers that are working at any moment -
However, I also trust that it is teachable movement, interpreted by the body doing it -
Next post: Video - Beach. Dancing. Sunset.

Attached....

2009-09-20T21:01:00.005-04:00

More Pressing Empty...
my "what if" worries are the topic of the newest section -
this is a rough version (first day in the studio on it) of a duet dealing with those nagging questions.

music by Ingrid Michelson

....

Edit.... and Find a Story

2009-08-31T13:43:00.009-04:00

I sat down yesterday with the intention of creating a rehearsal reel for Kinesis Project -
What ended up happening was something almost more interesting for the process of building Pressing Empty -
Something NOT a reel, but kind of a choreographer's exploration into Rebecca's character in Pressing Empty -
All disclaimers apply of course...

Music: Regina Spektor Dancers: Zoe Bowick, Rebecca Patek.

the dancing in the studio is part of the process of choreographic collaboration -
the dancing on the roof is solely improv by Rebecca.

Madeline - Pressing Empty

2009-08-19T23:28:00.006-04:00

This is Mads phrase paired down and turned into gestures that might be seen in an "everyday" situation. Things we, as people (not as dancers), might do.

Music by Suzie Almond

Zoe & George Strait

2009-08-11T00:42:00.009-04:00

Zoe and I sketched this dance in about two rehearsals...it certainly takes movement information from other sections of Pressing Empty - but as a solo, it really started to take on a life of its own with this song....
Draft Dance Blog 3....here we go...

Music by George Strait

A short tid-bit

2009-07-30T10:38:00.005-04:00

Zoe and Rebecca working out the middle/beginning of the duet.
There is (of course) more work to be done - but I am happy with the shape so far...

music by Regina Spektor

Studio Time

2009-07-23T07:36:00.002-04:00

Zoe and Rebecca in the studio and on the roof.... more soon....

Zoe's phrase

2009-07-11T11:59:00.003-04:00

A little video blogging.......

Emptying the Works

2009-07-02T19:24:00.008-04:00

Right now seems to be about dreams becoming real and hopes taking shape.
Kinesis Project now has a studio to work out of - it may be temporary - 6 months or so - but it may not be - it could last quite a while.
So, with a hopeful glance towards options of income and a forward thrust into ideas that have been dormant for a year - we keep going into the beginnings.

Zoe and Madeline have been joined by new blood, Rebbecca, as of yesterday -
I am asking them to explore ideas of empty spaces, last minute decisions and escape routes
Not to mention my request for a "lovely" phrase - that threw 'em!

Just to explain a hair.... its not usual for my dances to have bouree or steps that could get threaded into a respectable petite allegro phrase....

I find that for right now I am using them as tools to thread the unbelievable state of lovely that popular magazines might have a bride strive for.....while mixing it in with some things that I consider lovely: strength, determination and freedom.

One thing I am sure of...I can't seem to make a dance lacking humor -

So even though there is much loss getting explored in this work - there is also the hilarity of the actions of not letting go, or a last minute decision to run for the border...

All respectable choices in the right situation....

In the Empty

2009-06-15T01:17:00.000-04:00

The new work is in rehearsal.....Christa's dress (below) will play an important role.
Fluffy.
Escape Routes.
Identity.
Distraction.
Lovely layered with Indecision.

Note to Self III or Side Step (but still VERY important)

2009-05-14T12:20:00.007-04:00

I have to tell you something.
I have an overdeveloped sense of "Me Do" while simultaneously getting caught up in snares of wacked funds, injections of art-fear and a tangled bit of self-devaluing.

After a conversation this morning.....my breast-plate, and sense of what I hold back in myself is cracked open in a way it hasn't been in years.

I am busting up and through these barriers of my own glaceing.
Everything takes time. Healing, revelations and dances.
But. All of those things also take action. Here we go. Thanks for listening.

states of dress and empty.

2009-05-04T20:23:00.006-04:00

Bridal gowns are floating around in my imagination.
But not quite as they do in many female brains.
The gowns in my mind are points of constraint, sources of fear and concern...plain bad news upon entering.
Why?
I am not sure yet.
For some reason the women in my mind didn't know what they were in for, didn't quite mean it when they said yes, and are now quickly moving towards a future they thought they wanted (when they were 15) but now (as cognizant adults) completely (rightly) frightens them.
Some say I have commitment issues.
My Mom thinks I was ruined by working for matrimonial attorneys as a day job.
I don't think so.
I would like to think that writing approximately 200 Uncontested New York State Compliant Divorces actually led me to understand how one should treasure the choice to live life with one person, and how one should avoid divorce at all costs - not at the cost of your soul of course -if you are married and need to be not married any more, by all means - sever.
I mean weigh the choice SERIOUSLY before stepping that perfectly french pedicured toe into the matrimonial waters.

And then go for it - embrace love and life and both of those things with another person - make promises and vows in front of friends, goddess and any gods applicable, with a promise from your friends and said dieties to help you through the hard parts (that's important.)

A one person seems like a beautiful, wonderful idea.

It's the fear of waking up years from the decision to find the life you were aiming for has gotten squished by something you didn't actually want.
It breaks my heart that due to social pressure, financial fear and fear in general (of being alone, of losing out of being labeled as "unlovable") it happens.

then again, I'm a firm believer in never not-doing because of fear. So.......

There are folks like dear Sheila, Jeff, Megan, Charlie and others who don't blog who have found solid, good non life squishing vow inducing love. (btw why do none of my gay married friends blog? are gay married couples busier (how can anyone be busier than Jeff?) Have they just not told me? Will need to look into that. Betcha I just haven't found 'em 'round these parts yet.)

For the record, I am currently involved in a wonderful non life squishing love. I am working out how to deal with that reality - really.

Historically I've been regularly concerned that I would find out too late (the second, third and fourth shoe falling on my head not strong enough signs to wake me up and get out!)
I would like to think I had an intuition of what might happen, and I have saved my unsquished self for what happens now.

But clearly there are a few dances of playful panic that need to get made.

Here we go folks - deeper into Pressing Empty.

Zoe Bowick Levine (yep. happily married) Dancer

A little Summer in Winter

2009-02-28T17:02:00.002-05:00

widening

2009-02-22T22:39:00.005-05:00

Thinking about HOME again.
and COMMUNICATION. Again.
I can't get away from them....
and recently I've had David Byrne's This Must be the Place (Naive Melody)
running through my head:

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this is where I'll be . . . where I'll be

My work is full of the questions of HOME, IDENTITY and COMMUNICATION
I would have to be pretending to say each of those things are political ideas....they aren't to me - They all start at a very personal level, and move outward...hopefully to a point where they hit a place of universality.

Not saying that within what I make can't find a political bent - I'm sure its there....it just doesn't usually start there.
why am I saying all of that? I'm not sure - I guess I am fascinated by these specific ideas and how they permeate so much of what we do and how we do it...

And how in one way or another those three things are life long quests.

Next up in Blogging: My obituary. Really - It was Homework.

New year

2009-01-17T22:58:00.004-05:00

Good evening, good morning and hello! I've missed you! Here's a quick month and a half in pictures......

Madeline and Zoe in "Bluette" as part of Blueprints with Jeff and Patrick

Stubby "Vert" Noel

Snow um..Angel? maybe Snow Imp.

Performance for Artichoke Dance last weekend for APAP with Cary....

And now back to our regularly (really) scheduled blogging (about dances)
Miss you, love you, see you soon.

Blues Hit Hard

2008-11-24T18:57:00.006-05:00

First let me say - I LOVED doing our show this weekend. It felt Good and Right in the larger sense of things...
The bill we presented, the space in its craziness and Six Figures as a warm and welcoming company...all of it - I am comfortable and creative there - and that is wonderful.
So why is my brain so focused on the smaller things?
Well, perhaps because they are not smaller, they are actually unfortunate reality that has to get looked at when you stop moving....
and here I am.
I've landed.
After months of non-stop dance making and performance producing, I seem to have stopped, for at least a moment.
And in that moment I feel like I have been stabbed with something sharp.
Something that hits and then turns, questioning my ability to judge priority.
I am bleeding the green of serious financial issues and some red of heartache and fear that this company I have been working towards may not survive.
I watched Zoe and Madeline be exactly what they are: funny, smart, lovely, playful but intense performers and felt joy at their skill with our work together and a steep drop of loss at the fact that our audiences were so small.

And here's the rub - the audience that we had? They were wonderful and loving and LOVED the show...Loved Patrick's reminders to lick life just a bit more, Jeff's discovery of hats, light bulb eyes and cute girls in the dark....all of it. But. As the Artistic Director of a company it is my job to be sure that the company is following its mission (oh, we ARE) and making decisions based on the long term health of the company.

Am I?
How is it possible that what I seem to be requesting is one more reminder that we are loved - because, damn it, I know we are.
We are loved.
And Enjoyed and granted Laughter and many Gifts of Time and Finance from dear people that Believe in Us.

Its simply time to keep pushing. Giving birth one year at a time......

Sharing a Little Blue Love Party

2008-11-22T15:15:00.007-05:00

Here it is!
A Pop a fast spinning and BANG I seem to have landed my work on stage with two warm talented and wonderful artists - conveniently enough they are also two of my favorite people in the world.
Jeff - living at Odin's Aviary
&
Patrick's Loose Ends

Jeff's Lloyd Schlemiel (who I misspell constantly, and may have again just now...)
is painfully funny and wonderful - he borrowed Madeline and the two of them stole the hearts of our audience!

Patrick's roaringly passionate and wonderful Bromios owns and I mean OWNS love and sensuality in an in your face reminder of life's small and gorgeous moments.....

My biggest failing in the show has been my inability to get Sharon's (knitsisters - sharon estacio) beautiful film to project on the vaulted ceiling! I am hoping I find a way this afternoon to make it happen..... wish me luck!

But, Sharon forgiving me my technical issues - I am incredibly proud of this show and the integration of characters and search we have created together - as Jeff said - we are absolutely not in this alone - we are support for one another and playing along with the band of the show as it brings us all together as a cast of wacky dancing characters!

Bluette

2008-10-09T09:20:00.003-04:00

Blue-ing

2008-10-03T14:30:00.005-04:00

Oversized blue hats.
Lipstick.
A challenge of interruption in action at an unknown moment.

Habits. The habits that create the comfort of who we are, as well as the masks of who we are.

How are those habits differentiated?
How can they be peeled apart and examined playfully?

(painting is by Joe Landry)

I am back and I feel like I want to tell you.....

2008-09-17T14:13:00.006-04:00

I have spent the past week vaguely thinking about community, and the past 24 hours thinking deeply about sustainability, in action as well as lifestyle (Sweet Patrick, I know you think about this often as does Dearest Jeff...maybe we all think about it....) anyway - its been on my mind - will write more about it later (I promise!)
That aside, these things were upfront in my thoughts today, and it is amazing to me how my attention was turned to the small details of kindness as I went about my morning.....
I sent this in an email to H today:

.....serendipitous things are happening today -
1. stopped into Blue (Whatever it is) Bakery and spoke to the guy behind the counter a bit, then met a girl who is working there who is also a dancer and worked with Lynn in her Park project - if she was good to work with, maybe I'll kidnap her to dance this winter

2. walking from Ozzies to Q/B trains there was a kid who is clearly living on the street - he asked me to buy him something - at first I just said no, but then realized due to my hunger-lack-of-logic on 7th Ave - I had purchased not just an Olive twist from Blue whatever it is but also a Carrot Bran muffin at Ozzies with coffee #2 of the day -
So I gave him the muffin - he seemed genuinely pleased.

3. At Union square the farmer's market was out and going - bought a new muffin at Baker's Bounty and saw the girl behind the counter take money, then give money back to a guy that works the fish stall - he was grateful to get two cookies for free

4. Saw a woman stoop to grab errant earphones that had fallen from another woman's bag and give them back with smiles exchanged.

5. Found a new mobile health clinic - I love these things - have a soft spot for them because of my mom - but I love that there are some people out there who understand that to keep some populations healthy you have to go to them - they are afraid of hospitals/cost/immigration whatever - I got their info and talked for a bit (realized I should have had her take my blood for a lyme test) and left

Haven't felt this kind of socially circulating good-will in a while....

and received back from H this beautiful reminder of the importance of small moments (I'm sure most of you have read this - I seem to remember seeing it a while ago):

Just got out of meeting. Starving.

Your great day reminds me of this -

Dropped Into Still Waters
The Ripple Effect
In a world of six billion people, it's easy to believe that the only way to initiate profound transformation is to take extreme action. Each of us, however, carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives, and their reactions in turn affect others. As the effect of a seemingly insignificant word passes from person to person, its impact grows and can become a source of great joy, inspiration, anxiety, or pain. Your thoughts and actions are like stones dropped into still waters, causing ripples to spread and expand as they move outward. The impact you have on the world is greater than you could ever imagine, and the choices you make can have far-reaching consequences. You can use the ripple effect to make a positive difference and spread waves of kindness that will wash over the world.

Should the opportunity arise, the recipient of a good deed will likely feel compelled to do a good deed for someone else. Someone feeling the effects of negative energy will be more likely to pass on that negative energy. One act of charity, one thoughtful deed, or even one positive thought can pass from individual to individual, snowballing until it becomes a group movement or the ray of hope that saves someone's life. Every transformation, just like every ripple, has a point of origin. You must believe in your ability to be that point of origin if you want to use the ripples you create to spread goodness. Consider the effect of your thoughts and actions, and try to act graciously as much as possible.

A smile directed at a stranger, a compliment given to a friend, an attitude of laughter, or a thoughtful gesture can send ripples that spread among your loved ones and associates, out into your community, and finally throughout the world. You have the power to touch the lives of everyone you come into contact with and everyone those people come into contact with. The momentum of your influence will grow as your ripples move onward and outward. One of those ripples could become a tidal wave of love and kindness.

Day Five

2008-08-17T16:23:00.008-04:00

Sorry for the silence.......
I have been at the Omi International Art Center Dance Omi Residency for a full 5 days now.
Each day at least two (one day it was all we did so there were four) of the other residents taught a workshop based on their own creative process. The assignment was to use techniques that inspire them to create or, as I did, bring the other residents directly into their process by creating dances within the workshop time.

I am in love and fascinated and swept away. The space, depth and the intelligence of the people around me ..... and experiences of improvisations and creation we have already explored.

The only thing missing to make it completely impossible for me to find my way back to good old NYC is that those people that actually make my world my world are not here.

This is a new universe and however wonderful it may be, I have learned one more thing about my sense of home....it is connected to people that ground me in who I am, love me for it and play with me in it. However....in a very selfish move I would like each one of these amazing artists (that you will be slowly meeting as I introduce them to you) to come live with us in New York (some of them already do...other live in places like Rotterdam, Riga, Budapest, London and Hong Kong)

This is Marie, she is French but living in London for the past four or five years training at The Place.
she is dancing on an art installation called Stepping Stones by Jean Shin and Brain Ripel that is in The Fields...it is pots and pans, and their tops.

I am also learning that I connect to sculptures that are organic and natural (like a Noguchi for instance) or junky and strange (like a bunch of pots buried in the ground) or the piece Mach 2 by Mary Mattingly.

As for dance making up here I find I am drawn to the pieces that are:

large enough to climb on or frame a body
create an unusual landscape and therefore world/environment for the dance or interaction...
white enough to project something on to....

This all starts tomorrow...and I find can't help but be connected to my questions of home and communication over distance........

Circle of Friends, By Alena Ort

a bench seeming to be patiently waiting for a dance to happen.......

The between

2008-08-01T20:41:00.006-04:00

the shred of the dress is the time passed, white is hopeful...
it is a wedding dress because of expectation placed on a garment, and the symbolism of beginnings.

spaces left empty on skin, beds and kitchens are where the story lives.

These are parts of the "what I know about this dance" brain-storm

title? yes. Pressing Empty.

Residing

2008-07-30T11:49:00.004-04:00

Patrick and I were sitting, sipping various beverages and talking yesterday and I said:
"Well you know, I have that residency that I'm going to in a couple of weeks...."
P:"What residency??"
M: "The one in Upstate NY, I'm there for 3 weeks"
and we realized that maybe, just maybe I had mentioned it, but maybe I hadn't with all of the talk of life and love that had been fluttering around in our brains.

Wow. How could one girl get so distracted.
Here is the wonderful scoop:
I was nominated and accepted to join the Dance Omi International Dance Residency as a dancer and choreographer who is curious about collaboration and process.
And yes, I am going-
To be fed good food (from all I've heard, its yummy stuff up there) be up in the Hudson Valley and dancing with other curious souls...I'm excited..and have been in a bit of denial that I am really going...

Looks like I have no choice but to accept and enjoy!
more on what my hopes are to work on soon -

Saving me

2008-07-19T17:31:00.006-04:00

Sitting down to start this post the song appeared that I had hoped would surface in my Pandora loop -
"She's Saving Me" by the Indigo Girls....there is a calm sadness to this song...and sense of hope that begins an awakening of my own Empty.
"I was born with a hole in my heart
the size of my landlocked travels...
the sky pours out a biblical rain
the day so still the beauty gives you pain"

Empty skin has become a sweet
wander of small details
gestures of love and an
ability to want and lose....

and I wonder quietly where the Empty lives during happiness -

I think I am building something that explores both a sense of Have and Lost wound amongst small stories of the in between.

This one might need a script.

Wandering to focus

2008-07-13T17:36:00.005-04:00

Again. going for a walk in the woods helps get the work done.
I feel more focus, love (even focus in regards to that love) and openness then I did before I left the house.
Green stuff, sunshine and breezes will do that.......

Hit (Self Recognition 301)

2008-07-09T11:13:00.010-04:00

or Diaries of a Pissed off Artist

I hit a wall last night
But today have found a new
and sudden
point of complete and total frustration.
If you know me, you may know that this builds slowly
can usually be controlled, brought back down to earth and realistic expectations with good conversation, some to-do lists and a sense that I am not alone in these life/art endeavors.
If you are getting to know me.
You might not know that.

I can say this:
- I am driven to completed action
- Process is paramount
but so is getting the thing done (whatever it is)
- Missing deadlines makes me nuts*
*this is a new discovery for me...
I spent my life not doing my homework...
interesting that I am so driven to complete things now-a-days
- I am capable of thinking its a good idea to shed EVERYTHING
and almost everyone in order to make sure the dance gets done
(p.s. That's not the best idea. Really.)
- I need to make the dances happen and I will go to as many lengths as I and my limits will let me to make sure they do.
(I also need to pay rent. but thats a different kind of need)

in these moments I also think
"What Would Batman Do?"
thanks to Dr. McNinja
which may not be the best thought ever...
our lovely Dark Knight is not known for his healthy sense of boundaries, limitations or relationships.

All hands

2008-07-02T10:41:00.004-04:00

A new dance is like making bread

Folding information into the bodies
Letting it sit - to rise on its own

Pushing it around until the ingredients begin a new reaction

Letting it sit
and rise

get a good lather going
Rinse,
and Repeat.

Oops - my brain became a hair salon after the dance bakery.
Whats the point?
Process, letting it go, and letting it sink in.
Until the information is kinetic and organic to the story.

-flicted ( love note to you)

2008-06-28T16:56:00.007-04:00

empty and full simultaneously.
and it's because of you.

So.
thank you.

For
finding your way here -
sticking around when you arrived
and enjoying the dance

Fidgety

2008-06-24T17:15:00.003-04:00

I am putting dances down and picking them up again.
like a pen on a desk that has a fun click release.
Click.
Click click.
Click. ok. now...STOP.
Breathing.

Lets focus on an event shall we?
ok.
I was asked to change the name of one of my dances to fit a theater's mission.
And I won't do it - I answered in a breath of time - not even! I twitched a little at the request
and Blurted a "No! I can't"
even though it was made by someone I am becoming friends with
and whose work I will enjoy being part of if it ever so happens....
But I can't and I won't -
name change not the point by the way -
the point is that the work Gull(ability) is inspired by (which usually in my work means more like "jumping off from", "bounding away from" or "with light touches of the concepts someone might have seen in" ) because when I say "inspired" I guess I really mean it -
it makes me think and dive off in a direction -
not necessarily the same direction the source may have gone or ended up -
Which I find darn exciting.

However - for things that could be chosen by this lovely theater are:
our Odyssey piece "My Steps Toward You"- which sticks a bit closer to story line,
and a (yet to be set on bodies) Macbeth piece "In the Lady's Words"

Time to send a link to my friend with the link! Ha! Words are funny.
Click. Click....

Playing with Focus

2008-06-14T13:07:00.000-04:00

Steps in Tearing

2008-06-06T08:28:00.004-04:00

Shred this

2008-05-19T22:18:00.000-04:00

I am looking for a wedding dress to shred for Zoe's costume for the new duet.
I was trying to move the thoughts in my mind around to a point where I no longer see her in a destroyed emblem of vows of love...but, Love lost was once Love had and this duet is the layering of having and losing into the same space.
Since I can't shake the image...I need to go with it for now.
I found this website with these images (there are more)....I love them
The photos are by Kamp Photography

Jazz Hands Kitty

2008-05-10T10:39:00.004-04:00

this is Spike, my friend Rodney's cool as Jazz cat -

Broadway?

2008-05-03T12:38:00.006-04:00

My parents are incredible - in the 10 years that I have been a professional dancer/choreographer in New York, their friends and our family often ask "When will we see Melissa on Broadway?"
Beatifically my folks (they've practiced I think) say (I am paraphrasing of course) "Melissa's work isn't that mainstream, it may be in those venues eventually, but thats not her goal."

So why, after years of poo-pooing the Great Disney Way - was I so DAMNED excited when my sweet Zoe and Daniel were up on the stage of the freakin' Lion King bringing down the house with grace and feeling?
A few reasons that I can fathom -
The lovely cast of Hairspray sang an amazing R&B version of Bridge Over Troubled Waters in memory of Leslie's (a cast member) father, Kelly McDonald, who passed away in the AIDS blackness of the early 90's - this work meant something and they did an amazing job vocally.

Two days in a row, thousands of people were seeing a dance I had built
(quickly, and with Daniel and I saying "um ok, what next? oh you like this lift? great lets do it" being sure to keep it in the character relationship that we really wanted (father/daughter) and then me improv-ing until I had found just the right movement for Zoe...teaching it to her, re-working a little and then calling it DONE - Not the most process oriented of the works I have ever built!)

The stage is HUGE - gigantic, enormous, and even... ginormous - I was proud to see our dance weaving through the vocalists - with the dancers taking up the space, owning and inhabiting it....

And in a larger sense, each of these things assured me that if the chance occurs for me to create something in a large traditional venue (note: I don't think I had a big concern before) I can do it - and I can do it keeping my sense of aesthetic present - I will make the dance take the space it deserves and use gestures small and large to express the sentiment needed to get the point across - oh - and big ol' theater? no biggie -
Guess my Leo sense of Where I Belong is quite intact.
I had thought I would be a little cowed by the size.
Nope.
I felt very matter of fact as I was in the moment of each part of the situation (rehearsals w/ the cast, tech with the b'way tech folks, etc)
Perhaps because it wasn't really that big of a deal, or all that different from what I normally do, and maybe because it takes a lot to star-strike me anyway...but it was just a first, and there will always be firsts...

However, I wonder if I would feel the same at venues I truly revere and have in my goals as a choreographer, like BAM, The Joyce or City Center...
I guess I'll just keep workin' towards 'em and I'll let you know when we get there!

Flurry in spring

2008-04-24T23:12:00.003-04:00

There are many small parts floating around right now trying to find their place in my brain -
This is, of course, also part of the process - letting the segments float, until, in a moment of focus, each finds their home in the work (or gets cut out in editing!)

Right now however, there is a sense of snowfall in my brain -
Each part is unique, but in a moment of blurry vision chances becoming a fuzzy pile of "same" white noise

I'm not really doing justice to snowfall...or my brain....
but - maybe you get my drift - oops!...pun alert!

Instead of bad puns.....how about this one - its not a dance - yet.

Street Signs and Distance

in a face ready to smile
i find joy
i want to hold -
my eyes open
in
a lit room on 10^th St.
full of dances
clinging
salty and laughing
in a small studio
on Bleeker St
a sleepy love duet
is replaying
down on 14^th St.
while
limbs, mind and empty spaces
are excavating freedom in orange
beyond 200^th St

Empty III

2008-04-20T22:02:00.007-04:00

Quietly sitting in the heart
of time
a
Space
of
you
Without you

Things I hold on to

2008-04-16T23:51:00.000-04:00

Soft clothing
Text/Voice messages I find sweet or sexy
Pictures long after they are appropriate to keep
Random grocery lists
Paper with poetry on it
Postcards of shows I've been in, enjoyed or wanted to see
Scarves
T-shirts
Journals
Love notes
Birthday cards
Books

Toes in Sand and Head in the Clouds

2008-03-30T14:24:00.010-04:00

Our individual life dances are made from a deep internal rhythm. That rhythm is partially built from the spots on this earth that speak to us -

My soul feels most at home near moving water- I could sit and watch it for hours. Any kind of moving water will do, really - but an expansive beach is a core connection spot for me....

Where is your soul spot?

Walk on the Edge

2008-03-22T10:29:00.000-04:00

Setting a Piece...again

2008-03-17T22:50:00.003-04:00

Last week I found the end of the duet -
This week, looking at it again, I am pretty sure it is the right one for now-

"What kind of commitment is that?" You ask - with one eyebrow up...
Its as much as I can give at this moment - as much as I know - and I will say this:
All of my dances are still changing and becoming...

Hopefully so am I.

Here's a text tidbit:

Curves and Questions

A New York rain
I am a woman shaped
Question mark
Curves in space

Left with a shortened
Kiss
Hanging on lips

Sprinting across wet streets
Your name
Pours from my mouth

Like a New York rain.

Here is the piece performed by Gina

Curves and Questions
Uploaded by kinesisproject

Why am I telling you this?
You'll see.

Someone Else

2008-03-12T23:23:00.003-04:00

I've seen two shows by friends this week, well technically one was last week, and one was this week...
Anyway - The overall experience of all of it?
A deep and overarching joy that I am here, watching my friends make work that is good, well received and fulfilling for all involved.
(Audience and performer/choreographers)
the constant energy of this city is a gift and a curse. I know it -
But when the beauty is out - it is all over the place....and, yes, Kate - coming straight up through those gorgeous cracks in everything.

So I (thank you Patrick) Raise my glass - To Jennifer, for the depth of her dances and the strength in her limbs, To Wendy for the wild joints, mischief and the breath, and to Brian (and Weena), for the never-ending joy in moving and demonstrating fearlessness again and again.

Thank you for clearing my mind of worries- and keeping me in New York City. For now.

Somehow

2008-03-10T22:18:00.005-04:00

I have made a duet that is loving-
Believe me folks, I'm as confused as you.
I told Zoe today that I don't think I am actually in charge of the creative part of my brain.
That somehow there is somebody else in there (some call it intuitive creation...I call it...um...I'll get back to you on that one) making the decisions then opening my mouth and giving direction.

Really -

Admittedly, it is also the dancers and what they are bringing into the room -
Zoe is very in love and happy planning her wedding (which is soon fyi - I'll be a bridesmaid hanging out in Georgia in weeks!) so asking her to dance empty and loss is kind of tough - add Daniel, who is also full of life and comes into our rehearsals because he loves the challenge of the work and loves dancing with Zoe....put those things in a blender...
and I guess it makes a loving duet.
Also maybe add in that for some reason that is what I need to make - and voila.

So. I guess that is what it will be -
It is a layered dance...and there will be more to come -

Of course NOTHING is permanent.
EVEN love duets.
Jennifer Harmer dancing "The Other Thought"
photo by min win

Direct Lines

2008-03-04T22:41:00.001-05:00

What I learned today

2008-03-03T20:46:00.006-05:00

I love being in rehearsal
and
I make dances about the little moments.
The bits we think aren't paramount until a little later.
Its the small in-betweens, the transitions between larger action, that makes up so much more of what we have in our relationships, our existence in general.
The big things matter, of course they do, but falling asleep wound around a lover is the possession of the moment after the explosion, and just as important in the grand scheme of determining in what realm that relationship exists.

I recently wrote a note that was never sent, and in it I proclaimed:

I play well, I like to laugh, I am loyal and an easy going spirit generally -
I love affection, warmth, daily tribulations...words, music, raw emotion and clear intention.

I was able to name it for that note - but then I hadn't linked together for myself why those are the things I find so beautiful in this life.
While in rehearsal today I again realized that in this dance I am focused on sleeping, minute interactions and the small points of energy that create the larger whole of what we understand as love and partnership.

Laugh out Loud for Chrissakes

2008-02-27T21:58:00.004-05:00

Admittedly, you have to enjoy Garfield enough to appreciate this...but, I love it
Enjoy
Thanks to Jared for sending it my way.

Life imitating art imitating life imitating a shadow puppet.

2008-02-26T20:51:00.005-05:00

One step at a time - I am moving slowly away from my old home and (it seems) just as slowly gaining footing in my new one.
Chocolate chip pancakes at the neighborhood diner, walking in a snow covered old wood park (as Patrick claimed it) looking out over the Hudson from a vista (a real live vista!) and cleaning house to make room for the belongings that will make their way across the Hudson and into this feels-too-big-for-just-me-right-now apartment

The new duet is creating itself from moments that are happening, moving around in my bones and then ending up on the dancers.

A little ditty

2008-02-25T10:38:00.005-05:00

Sleeps with Butterflies
(Tori Amos)

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not
but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you
Unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of
Your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly, then, boy

This away

2008-02-18T22:27:00.004-05:00

Working away from NYC right now for another dance company -Truths:
You can make dances away from NYC and easily keep in contact with those who are there
It is great to have social time amongst dancers to aid rehearsal process
Living in a house of dancers is easy
Making dinner as a group makes for an enjoyable meal.
Dancing in the heat for 6 hours a day feels really good!

Did I not know these things? No, I knew them, but it is nice to have reminders.
I have goals connected to building Kinesis Project to the point that allows us to make dances out of town and bring them in to perform them...I just need the company to get a stable enough place that I can bring the dancers out of their lives and pay them for all of their time.

Have a Happy One

2008-02-14T12:32:00.003-05:00

Humor Me. Its snowing!

2008-02-12T20:35:00.008-05:00

damn global warming and whatever has kept the snow of out NYC..I've missed it terribly.
But not anymore, now NYer's have something to trudge through, dig storefronts out of, and have their cars buried because-of-the-cancellation-of-opposite-side-of-the-street-parking and plows!

I don't really have to worry about much of that - I don't own a car, or a store...so in my blissful lack of material goods, I get to just look!

this is the view out my new building's front door

Kids and a mom were outside sledding down the incline

St. Peter's - the little Church across from the World Trade Center - I'm not a religious person, but I love this church (actually I often love houses of worship.)

right now outside there is a ping-pingg..pingping of what must be a mixture of ice and snow -

it sounds like chimes from in here...but I wouldn't want to be out there -

small prayer to the universe that all who need warmth tonight, receive it.

Memories and Currents

2008-02-10T13:30:00.000-05:00

this was written and posted two years ago.

and now, here I am -

My question to ponder in rehearsal tomorrow is:

In a dance about an Empty and the juxtaposition of hope co-existing with a confusing and surprising loneliness - where do you place the next step? the good kind of missing.

the warmth of possibility.

Tomorrow's recipe might look like this:

Start with a bit of Empty, mixed with a touch of Memory and a dash of Hope.

Or it might have some of this:

leaning backwards

into a sense of There

melting forward

to a stubble kiss

Flight is a blurry release

time

and worry

'til clear water reality

tumbles though

this cloudy mindscape

through easy walks

direct and playful eyes

catch

distracted question marks

with a warm request

Now

Urban Country Girl

2008-02-07T12:56:00.000-05:00

It is a little sad how excited I am to be able to see
1. sunrises
2. trees
3. sky
from my new place.
here's a pic of the path across the street that leads up into Inwood Hill Park

Moving

2008-02-01T23:43:00.000-05:00

It is time for the next part of this multi-month transition.

There is a historical park across from the new place
and this is Kinesis Project's new subway corner

I'll be on Payson..(right at the park)

Self Portrait Take II

2008-01-30T00:12:00.000-05:00

I move in small moments of quick decisions based on instincts

however
sometimes
I have to wait for everything to align.
and in those moments I surprise myself with my
patience.

Zoe and Daniel are dancing beautifully and we are(thankfully) back in rehearsal -
I am looking forward to winding this piece around and around them -- building it into whatever story it becomes.

In its original thought moment, this piece was a wedding present.
Then it couldn't be.
As the empty plowed through me and took up residence in my limbs and chest,
I knew that the dance still needed to get made.
Now - I'm thankful this duet has been moving through the sometimes quiet and beautiful, sometimes sharp and jagged, moments of Emptiness.
And

I have more layers to fold into the movement. Another kind of missing. A displacement juxtaposed with a sense of grounding I never would have understood before.

Seattle and Here

2008-01-27T21:07:00.001-05:00

Back in the folds of Brooklyn.
for now.
this is what I can say of travels:
Friends, near and far are a good, very good thing
Life changes. sometimes quickly...sometimes in half breath moments that aren't detected until later.
Asking for what life might give you is allowed.
Joy is watching children stare at parents with wonder,
mountains turn pink in the sunset,
ducks diving into water head first leaving their fluffy bottoms topside for all to see...
And...
Getting a kiss when you want one, enjoying simple easy moments, missing them when they are over....and hoping you are given them again.

Away

2008-01-22T17:17:00.000-05:00

In Washington State, specifically Pt. Townsend....

I took a ferry across the Sound to get to Bainbridge Island....all of the mountains were "out" here...an unusual and incredible sight to see the water surrounded by snow capped mountains...harbor seals playing next to the ferry and the air crisp and cold.
I couldn't stay inside the ferry...I just stood out there amazed at the feeling of freedom I get on the water and the sense that there is so much nature NYC leaves behind.

For now I'll be enjoying warm company and dogs and walks on wooded paths...Last night's Sunset and full moon rising with the Olympic Mountains clearly seen was an overwhelming and beautiful experience.

I started this trip with my dearest Becky in LA at her beautiful cozy house....

Next is Seattle, to see Charlie, Alexis, Laura, Tom, Am and Rob....

There are dances to be made at home.

Thank goodness. I might not get there otherwise.

delayed

2008-01-15T17:01:00.001-05:00

i have a camera phone! yippee (simple pleasures...)
picture of megan and me skating yesterday - well not skating..sitting fut-zing with my phone while we waited for "round 2" after the zamboni cleaned the ice at Bryant Park:

me..well, a part of me.

Empty Clarity

2008-01-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

There are questions I was never willing to ask

The feeling of not having you has been overwhelming in moments even now.

My dreams are more concrete.

I can reach out and feel where you aren't, while feeling on my skin where you can be remembered.

Tears are functioning as a release of questions.