Monday, November 24, 2008

Blues Hit Hard

First let me say - I LOVED doing our show this weekend. It felt Good and Right in the larger sense of things...
The bill we presented, the space in its craziness and Six Figures as a warm and welcoming company...all of it - I am comfortable and creative there - and that is wonderful.
So why is my brain so focused on the smaller things?
Well, perhaps because they are not smaller, they are actually unfortunate reality that has to get looked at when you stop moving....
and here I am.
I've landed.
After months of non-stop dance making and performance producing, I seem to have stopped, for at least a moment.
And in that moment I feel like I have been stabbed with something sharp.
Something that hits and then turns, questioning my ability to judge priority.
I am bleeding the green of serious financial issues and some red of heartache and fear that this company I have been working towards may not survive.
I watched Zoe and Madeline be exactly what they are: funny, smart, lovely, playful but intense performers and felt joy at their skill with our work together and a steep drop of loss at the fact that our audiences were so small.

And here's the rub - the audience that we had? They were wonderful and loving and LOVED the show...Loved Patrick's reminders to lick life just a bit more, Jeff's discovery of hats, light bulb eyes and cute girls in the dark....all of it. But. As the Artistic Director of a company it is my job to be sure that the company is following its mission (oh, we ARE) and making decisions based on the long term health of the company.

Am I?
How is it possible that what I seem to be requesting is one more reminder that we are loved - because, damn it, I know we are.
We are loved.
And Enjoyed and granted Laughter and many Gifts of Time and Finance from dear people that Believe in Us.

Its simply time to keep pushing. Giving birth one year at a time......


Homer said...

You ARE loved and I love the work Kinesis Project does. I wish I had been able to be there to see KP, Jeff and Patrick.

Sheila said...

So so so sad I missed this, Racket. Not getting out much is my new thing. They say it doesn't last... hopefully the bugger will like dance (soon).

Shake dem blues!

Patrick said...

I know, Darlin', I know. It is hard to keep on keeping on when one wonders where our audience is... I don't have any great insights for you, having been asking myself similar questions for some time now, and allowing myself to be more stymied by them than you have. We have to find the internal motivations, I guess, because they're the only ones in our control.

Melissa said...

Hi all - thank you -
Sorry for the long silence after such a bluesy entry...

I've been thinking about it -
Patrick I think we were handed a very difficult situation, with lovely folks who didn't quite have the press going for the first week of shows, and not quite the time to gather the audiences we might be able to grab.

A month is just not enough time - and two weeks, well, two weeks is less than a month.