Self Portrait Take II

I move in small moments of quick decisions based on instincts

however
sometimes
I have to wait for everything to align.
and in those moments I surprise myself with my
patience.

Zoe and Daniel are dancing beautifully and we are(thankfully) back in rehearsal -
I am looking forward to winding this piece around and around them -- building it into whatever story it becomes.

In its original thought moment, this piece was a wedding present.
Then it couldn't be.
As the empty plowed through me and took up residence in my limbs and chest,
I knew that the dance still needed to get made.
Now - I'm thankful this duet has been moving through the sometimes quiet and beautiful, sometimes sharp and jagged, moments of Emptiness.
And

I have more layers to fold into the movement. Another kind of missing. A displacement juxtaposed with a sense of grounding I never would have understood before.

Seattle and Here

Back in the folds of Brooklyn.
for now.
this is what I can say of travels:
Friends, near and far are a good, very good thing
Life changes. sometimes quickly...sometimes in half breath moments that aren't detected until later.
Asking for what life might give you is allowed.
Joy is watching children stare at parents with wonder,
mountains turn pink in the sunset,
ducks diving into water head first leaving their fluffy bottoms topside for all to see...
And...
Getting a kiss when you want one, enjoying simple easy moments, missing them when they are over....and hoping you are given them again.

Away

In Washington State, specifically Pt. Townsend....

I took a ferry across the Sound to get to Bainbridge Island....all of the mountains were "out" here...an unusual and incredible sight to see the water surrounded by snow capped mountains...harbor seals playing next to the ferry and the air crisp and cold.
I couldn't stay inside the ferry...I just stood out there amazed at the feeling of freedom I get on the water and the sense that there is so much nature NYC leaves behind.

For now I'll be enjoying warm company and dogs and walks on wooded paths...Last night's Sunset and full moon rising with the Olympic Mountains clearly seen was an overwhelming and beautiful experience.








I started this trip with my dearest Becky in LA at her beautiful cozy house....









Next is Seattle, to see Charlie, Alexis, Laura, Tom, Am and Rob....

There are dances to be made at home.

Thank goodness. I might not get there otherwise.

delayed

i have a camera phone! yippee (simple pleasures...)
picture of megan and me skating yesterday - well not skating..sitting fut-zing with my phone while we waited for "round 2" after the zamboni cleaned the ice at Bryant Park:

me..well, a part of me.

Empty Clarity

There are questions I was never willing to ask

The feeling of not having you has been overwhelming in moments even now.

My dreams are more concrete.

I can reach out and feel where you aren't, while feeling on my skin where you can be remembered.

Tears are functioning as a release of questions.

Ever Random

An old woman was standing near the ambulance
the old man was in the gurney, pale.
My hand reached into my pocket and hit "2" ("1" is voicemail)
Out of love, and worry.
And because people should get old. And get that way together, as couples in whatever configuration or as a community...but get old...see life... as much of it as possible....
Not hidden in a cave of pre-made images and self doubt...that's not life.
That's a slow __________
I know not everyone gets that, parents, siblings, friends...I know. And I'm not even saying that I am that other person for you...(I even said as much) But if you have life...
If you have it in you.... then hold on to it and see it...look it in the face and lick it damn it.
Or whatever you want to do to it. Personal preference over-rides....

Time to get back into rehearsal.