Rumi makes things Better

Some Kiss We Want

There is some kiss we want with

our whole lives, the touch of

spirit on the body. Seawater

begs the pearl to break its shell.

And the lily, how passionately

it needs some wild darling! At

night, I open the window and ask

the moon to come and press its

face against mine. Breathe into

me. Close the language- door and

open the love window. The moon

won't use the door, only the window.

Translator: Coleman Barks

Split

a magical time is coming to an end.
and this time,
it is my fault.
and
I am not the only one getting hurt.
Nope.
A very close friend is getting much more damaged then I am.
She is losing her freedom, her escape, her annex... if you will.
And I did it.
Complacency sucks.
Even when you don't even know you are doing it.
and a trillion times worse when you do.
I'm speaking in riddles.
But let me tell you folks... when you hear your inner voice telling you to do something
Freakin' LISTEN UP and do it.

Under the fist of Homer

Skating in Bryant Park with Megan who has just successfully escaped grad school tedium for another semester --
So, in the shadow of a bright yellow fist of Homer Simpson, and with the glow of the yellow lit Empire State Building (yes, it was yellow for the Simpsons Movie, Megan checked)
We celebrated her temporary student freedom by bravely (and I mean that) donning skates (for free, thanks to the Simpsons) and swishing, stumbling, talking, attempting to dance, giggling and almost killing a child (that was me, not Megan) - we kept it short, which was smart.
And I want more.
More skating.
More free time.
More time with friends to play, and brainspace taken up by the simple coordination of putting one skate, er, to the side of the other...and maybe remembering some of my little tricks I used to do.
But now, to top off a week of things that haven't happened in years - I climbed my out of shape ass back up some fabric thanks to the forever generous and always fun Madeline...and even better in a space built by an old friend, Natalie...

My metaphysical insides are feeling life acutely ...so both pain and joy seem to be heightened.

Mouth off...Nicely

Here I am. standing near you.

Does it move/nudge/interest you?
Have the cells of your skin moved at all?
Am I thinking too much?
Of course I am. I always am. That's how dances get made.
But wait. I know where the hairs on your arm are, I know what you'll do if I lean back into you
Or I think I...
wait.
Here I go again, again.
If
I close my eyes I remember what your lips feel like. the soft curve.
Stubble (I'm always a day late)
and that I always want an extra one.
Either they are nice or I am greedy.........perhaps both.

and there it is. The empty has moved its way into my mind. I question words, over think moments and melodramatically consider never speaking to you again.
But I can't do that -
Souls connect and
"part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time."
so for now I'll think about
Leaning backwards and getting caught by desire,
Consider reaching out to be lightly kissed...
Find contentment with my independence and empty while making fabulous mind altering revelations about my own near and far future.

Devil May Care - by The Devils Panties

Next

Tomorrow is our day in the studio -
Time for dreams and negative space.
Negative space has such a, well, negative sound.
Maybe there is something else I can call it.
Outerspace, auraspace, livespace, live skin, empty skin...

Hmmm...empty skin might be the way to go...

Thats what I am working with...how your skin, your being feels when he/she is there...
your person
next to you or near you...and then what is it that is missing when they are not. Like the space on the pillow or the dent in the bed, or how big a small apartment can feel with only one body in it.
I told someone that I had allotted time in my day for standing near him.
It was the truth, but I am still working over for myself what that allotted time fulfills.

Vantage

In the past 2 months I have experienced some of the worst pain and confusion from love lost that I have known.
But in the midst of that pain and empty, I have seen and felt the most tremendous outpouring of love and warmth and graciousness from my incredible beautiful gifts of friends.
Each of you, mentioned and unmentioned mean more then I can comprehend and count in any way.
Thank you for being and thank you for taking time to listen.

In it..and finding

Empty is still there. Here. Present.
But I am not as empty.
New thoughts are falling into place...
So now I am IN change. Beyond the moment of transition and into the transition itself.

I have no doubt that this is a slow process. But I am fascinated none the less.

What is comfort...and what is the difference between what is comfortable and what is comforting. And what do you do to take action towards your own comfort.

Can the Empty be comforting? Independence is its own kind of comfort.
But I go back to the words of the Millay poem:
"there was a shutter loose, it screeched...swung in the wind, with no wind blowing
I was afraid and turned to you,
put out a hand to you for comfort.
And you were gone.

Cold, cold as dew under my hand, the moonlight lay....."

Chosen...

And. Time in the studio is always worth it.
especially on a snowy day when you stand the chance of getting caught by eyes that matter (just enough) while in the middle of a movement thought
and that thought just feels good ...
after warming up for a half hour and working out the kinks for another half hour
that last hour in the huge studio with NO MIRRORS and snow falling outside
is a bit like heaven.

Quick choice

Dear Bunnies...please help my brain..
Choices need to be made:

Time in a studio (I have already rented the time)
or audition for a woman everyone says is awful to work for
just to be able to do this
honestly its not a "just" .....its exactly the kind of thing I love to do.
and of course, of course..there is an ego assumption that I would get it...
And with the large population of aerial dancers and younger stronger more likely to take abuse dancers in NYC...I just might not make the cut...bit lets not think about that...
Lets pretend I make the choices here...
Come on..please?...just pretend...
Anyway... let go of thoughts of dancers with numbers desperately kicking their long legs high in the air just to get attention...pushing one another over to be seen better in line...
Just forget that stuff (yes..there is a reason for all parodies...)
I actually have constant thoughts of creating performances on,
up, in and out of things...
Perhaps the question is really...
Should I just wait until I can do it with a better vibe amongst the performers
and a knowledge that the safety aspect is well taken care of?
I admit..... as I go back and check the links, the studio is looking so much better...
Decisions, decisions...