Beach Dance II (The better edit)

Film Collaboration between H. Frizzell & M. Riker
Music by Amos Lee

Beach Dances

Music By Amos Lee
A collaboration between H. Frizzell & M. Riker
________________________________________

Note to Self III or Side Step (but still VERY important)

I have to tell you something.
I have an overdeveloped sense of "Me Do" while simultaneously getting caught up in snares of wacked funds, injections of art-fear and a tangled bit of self-devaluing.

After a conversation this morning.....my breast-plate, and sense of what I hold back in myself is cracked open in a way it hasn't been in years.

I am busting up and through these barriers of my own glaceing.
Everything takes time. Healing, revelations and dances.
But. All of those things also take action. Here we go. Thanks for listening.

Blues Hit Hard

First let me say - I LOVED doing our show this weekend. It felt Good and Right in the larger sense of things...
The bill we presented, the space in its craziness and Six Figures as a warm and welcoming company...all of it - I am comfortable and creative there - and that is wonderful.
So why is my brain so focused on the smaller things?
Well, perhaps because they are not smaller, they are actually unfortunate reality that has to get looked at when you stop moving....
and here I am.
I've landed.
After months of non-stop dance making and performance producing, I seem to have stopped, for at least a moment.
And in that moment I feel like I have been stabbed with something sharp.
Something that hits and then turns, questioning my ability to judge priority.
I am bleeding the green of serious financial issues and some red of heartache and fear that this company I have been working towards may not survive.
I watched Zoe and Madeline be exactly what they are: funny, smart, lovely, playful but intense performers and felt joy at their skill with our work together and a steep drop of loss at the fact that our audiences were so small.

And here's the rub - the audience that we had? They were wonderful and loving and LOVED the show...Loved Patrick's reminders to lick life just a bit more, Jeff's discovery of hats, light bulb eyes and cute girls in the dark....all of it. But. As the Artistic Director of a company it is my job to be sure that the company is following its mission (oh, we ARE) and making decisions based on the long term health of the company.

Am I?
How is it possible that what I seem to be requesting is one more reminder that we are loved - because, damn it, I know we are.
We are loved.
And Enjoyed and granted Laughter and many Gifts of Time and Finance from dear people that Believe in Us.

Its simply time to keep pushing. Giving birth one year at a time......

Sharing a Little Blue Love Party

Here it is!
A Pop a fast spinning and BANG I seem to have landed my work on stage with two warm talented and wonderful artists - conveniently enough they are also two of my favorite people in the world.
Jeff - living at Odin's Aviary
&
Patrick's Loose Ends

Jeff's Lloyd Schlemiel (who I misspell constantly, and may have again just now...)
is painfully funny and wonderful - he borrowed Madeline and the two of them stole the hearts of our audience!

Patrick's roaringly passionate and wonderful Bromios owns and I mean OWNS love and sensuality in an in your face reminder of life's small and gorgeous moments.....

My biggest failing in the show has been my inability to get Sharon's (knitsisters - sharon estacio) beautiful film to project on the vaulted ceiling! I am hoping I find a way this afternoon to make it happen..... wish me luck!

But, Sharon forgiving me my technical issues - I am incredibly proud of this show and the integration of characters and search we have created together - as Jeff said - we are absolutely not in this alone - we are support for one another and playing along with the band of the show as it brings us all together as a cast of wacky dancing characters!

Hit (Self Recognition 301)

or Diaries of a Pissed off Artist

I hit a wall last night
But today have found a new
and sudden
point of complete and total frustration.
If you know me, you may know that this builds slowly
can usually be controlled, brought back down to earth and realistic expectations with good conversation, some to-do lists and a sense that I am not alone in these life/art endeavors.
If you are getting to know me.
You might not know that.

I can say this:
- I am driven to completed action
- Process is paramount
but so is getting the thing done (whatever it is)
- Missing deadlines makes me nuts*
*this is a new discovery for me...
I spent my life not doing my homework...
interesting that I am so driven to complete things now-a-days
- I am capable of thinking its a good idea to shed EVERYTHING
and almost everyone in order to make sure the dance gets done
(p.s. That's not the best idea. Really.)
- I need to make the dances happen and I will go to as many lengths as I and my limits will let me to make sure they do.
(I also need to pay rent. but thats a different kind of need)


in these moments I also think
"What Would Batman Do?"
thanks to Dr. McNinja
which may not be the best thought ever...
our lovely Dark Knight is not known for his healthy sense of boundaries, limitations or relationships.

-flicted ( love note to you)

empty and full simultaneously.
and it's because of you.

So.
thank you.

For
finding your way here -
sticking around when you arrived
and enjoying the dance

Fidgety

I am putting dances down and picking them up again.
like a pen on a desk that has a fun click release.
Click.
Click click.
Click. ok. now...STOP.
Breathing.

Lets focus on an event shall we?
ok.
I was asked to change the name of one of my dances to fit a theater's mission.
And I won't do it - I answered in a breath of time - not even! I twitched a little at the request
and Blurted a "No! I can't"
even though it was made by someone I am becoming friends with
and whose work I will enjoy being part of if it ever so happens....
But I can't and I won't -
name change not the point by the way -
the point is that the work Gull(ability) is inspired by (which usually in my work means more like "jumping off from", "bounding away from" or "with light touches of the concepts someone might have seen in" ) because when I say "inspired" I guess I really mean it -
it makes me think and dive off in a direction -
not necessarily the same direction the source may have gone or ended up -
Which I find darn exciting.

However - for things that could be chosen by this lovely theater are:
our Odyssey piece "My Steps Toward You"- which sticks a bit closer to story line,
and a (yet to be set on bodies) Macbeth piece "In the Lady's Words"

Time to send a link to my friend with the link! Ha! Words are funny.
Click. Click....

Jazz Hands Kitty

this is Spike, my friend Rodney's cool as Jazz cat -

Empty III

Quietly sitting in the heart
of time
a
Space
of
you
Without you

Life imitating art imitating life imitating a shadow puppet.

One step at a time - I am moving slowly away from my old home and (it seems) just as slowly gaining footing in my new one.
Chocolate chip pancakes at the neighborhood diner, walking in a snow covered old wood park (as Patrick claimed it) looking out over the Hudson from a vista (a real live vista!) and cleaning house to make room for the belongings that will make their way across the Hudson and into this feels-too-big-for-just-me-right-now apartment

The new duet is creating itself from moments that are happening, moving around in my bones and then ending up on the dancers.

Seattle and Here

Back in the folds of Brooklyn.
for now.
this is what I can say of travels:
Friends, near and far are a good, very good thing
Life changes. sometimes quickly...sometimes in half breath moments that aren't detected until later.
Asking for what life might give you is allowed.
Joy is watching children stare at parents with wonder,
mountains turn pink in the sunset,
ducks diving into water head first leaving their fluffy bottoms topside for all to see...
And...
Getting a kiss when you want one, enjoying simple easy moments, missing them when they are over....and hoping you are given them again.

Away

In Washington State, specifically Pt. Townsend....

I took a ferry across the Sound to get to Bainbridge Island....all of the mountains were "out" here...an unusual and incredible sight to see the water surrounded by snow capped mountains...harbor seals playing next to the ferry and the air crisp and cold.
I couldn't stay inside the ferry...I just stood out there amazed at the feeling of freedom I get on the water and the sense that there is so much nature NYC leaves behind.

For now I'll be enjoying warm company and dogs and walks on wooded paths...Last night's Sunset and full moon rising with the Olympic Mountains clearly seen was an overwhelming and beautiful experience.








I started this trip with my dearest Becky in LA at her beautiful cozy house....









Next is Seattle, to see Charlie, Alexis, Laura, Tom, Am and Rob....

There are dances to be made at home.

Thank goodness. I might not get there otherwise.

delayed

i have a camera phone! yippee (simple pleasures...)
picture of megan and me skating yesterday - well not skating..sitting fut-zing with my phone while we waited for "round 2" after the zamboni cleaned the ice at Bryant Park:

me..well, a part of me.

Rumi makes things Better

Some Kiss We Want

There is some kiss we want with

our whole lives, the touch of

spirit on the body. Seawater

begs the pearl to break its shell.

And the lily, how passionately

it needs some wild darling! At

night, I open the window and ask

the moon to come and press its

face against mine. Breathe into

me. Close the language- door and

open the love window. The moon

won't use the door, only the window.

Translator: Coleman Barks

Split

a magical time is coming to an end.
and this time,
it is my fault.
and
I am not the only one getting hurt.
Nope.
A very close friend is getting much more damaged then I am.
She is losing her freedom, her escape, her annex... if you will.
And I did it.
Complacency sucks.
Even when you don't even know you are doing it.
and a trillion times worse when you do.
I'm speaking in riddles.
But let me tell you folks... when you hear your inner voice telling you to do something
Freakin' LISTEN UP and do it.

Under the fist of Homer

Skating in Bryant Park with Megan who has just successfully escaped grad school tedium for another semester --
So, in the shadow of a bright yellow fist of Homer Simpson, and with the glow of the yellow lit Empire State Building (yes, it was yellow for the Simpsons Movie, Megan checked)
We celebrated her temporary student freedom by bravely (and I mean that) donning skates (for free, thanks to the Simpsons) and swishing, stumbling, talking, attempting to dance, giggling and almost killing a child (that was me, not Megan) - we kept it short, which was smart.
And I want more.
More skating.
More free time.
More time with friends to play, and brainspace taken up by the simple coordination of putting one skate, er, to the side of the other...and maybe remembering some of my little tricks I used to do.
But now, to top off a week of things that haven't happened in years - I climbed my out of shape ass back up some fabric thanks to the forever generous and always fun Madeline...and even better in a space built by an old friend, Natalie...

My metaphysical insides are feeling life acutely ...so both pain and joy seem to be heightened.

Vantage

In the past 2 months I have experienced some of the worst pain and confusion from love lost that I have known.
But in the midst of that pain and empty, I have seen and felt the most tremendous outpouring of love and warmth and graciousness from my incredible beautiful gifts of friends.
Each of you, mentioned and unmentioned mean more then I can comprehend and count in any way.
Thank you for being and thank you for taking time to listen.

A Recipe...or, Commission if you Will.....

Take the same text - Kinesis Project's "Standing Room"
The concept of being in the same place at the same time and riffing on it.
Use dancers and/or non-dancers to see what answers come with the request of
understanding.
Is this a commission? I believe it is.
I ask the world-wide creative community to Play....
Here is the text:

This.
This is what I'm saying:
If I stayed here, and you
Came here
Then we would be standing in the same spot
at the same moment.
This one.
And that would be
Lack of distance
Covered by bodies -
and I wouldn't have to miss you,
or
Think I missed you.

This is how we do it:

various

After a couple of quiet weekdays of being able to be a bit spoiled and spend time on an application, while getting laundry done and managing to fit in a nap
I wonder at my huge sadnesses of the weekend.

and I wonder if it has as much to do with vulnerability and joy as it does with sadness.

I'm experiencing the kind of sadness that sits dormant for a bit, and then isn't. At all.

I'm thinking about a piece based on flight and decisions.
the freedom in having a solid base to take flight from.
***********************************************************
wondering what happens to the mind when everything that was once solid is no longer.
when a life partner of 60 years disappears.....carried away by a blinking truck
until he is next seen still in a strangly shaped bed.
Nothing is real unless Sinatra is singing.
He that always fixed and measured is gone,
left next to his space is the she that cleaned up afterwards...
she is cleaning
too much...
repeated motions...a lifetime of repeated motions.
Comfort in repetition.
***************************************************

And we are all taking up the same amount of space we always have, while life keeps shifting the playing ground.