Empty Clarity

There are questions I was never willing to ask

The feeling of not having you has been overwhelming in moments even now.

My dreams are more concrete.

I can reach out and feel where you aren't, while feeling on my skin where you can be remembered.

Tears are functioning as a release of questions.

Mouth off...Nicely

Here I am. standing near you.

Does it move/nudge/interest you?
Have the cells of your skin moved at all?
Am I thinking too much?
Of course I am. I always am. That's how dances get made.
But wait. I know where the hairs on your arm are, I know what you'll do if I lean back into you
Or I think I...
wait.
Here I go again, again.
If
I close my eyes I remember what your lips feel like. the soft curve.
Stubble (I'm always a day late)
and that I always want an extra one.
Either they are nice or I am greedy.........perhaps both.

and there it is. The empty has moved its way into my mind. I question words, over think moments and melodramatically consider never speaking to you again.
But I can't do that -
Souls connect and
"part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time."
so for now I'll think about
Leaning backwards and getting caught by desire,
Consider reaching out to be lightly kissed...
Find contentment with my independence and empty while making fabulous mind altering revelations about my own near and far future.

Devil May Care - by The Devils Panties

In it..and finding

Empty is still there. Here. Present.
But I am not as empty.
New thoughts are falling into place...
So now I am IN change. Beyond the moment of transition and into the transition itself.

I have no doubt that this is a slow process. But I am fascinated none the less.

What is comfort...and what is the difference between what is comfortable and what is comforting. And what do you do to take action towards your own comfort.

Can the Empty be comforting? Independence is its own kind of comfort.
But I go back to the words of the Millay poem:
"there was a shutter loose, it screeched...swung in the wind, with no wind blowing
I was afraid and turned to you,
put out a hand to you for comfort.
And you were gone.

Cold, cold as dew under my hand, the moonlight lay....."

Pro-cras.tiN...a.a.a-tion

Does anyone else hear the song "Anticipation" by Carly Simon
when you say the word procrastination?


hmm.
Interesting.
Well,
I do.






For instance, tonight. I heard it often.




Like when I sat down to write
many answers to many questions on a residency application due in 2 weeks.
or
When I sat down again to write a little about how amazing the moon looks tonight -












I found that instead I was tweaking and designing on Zazzle.....
here
Whoops.
Pro-cras.tiN.a.a.tion....