Fidgety

I am putting dances down and picking them up again.
like a pen on a desk that has a fun click release.
Click.
Click click.
Click. ok. now...STOP.
Breathing.

Lets focus on an event shall we?
ok.
I was asked to change the name of one of my dances to fit a theater's mission.
And I won't do it - I answered in a breath of time - not even! I twitched a little at the request
and Blurted a "No! I can't"
even though it was made by someone I am becoming friends with
and whose work I will enjoy being part of if it ever so happens....
But I can't and I won't -
name change not the point by the way -
the point is that the work Gull(ability) is inspired by (which usually in my work means more like "jumping off from", "bounding away from" or "with light touches of the concepts someone might have seen in" ) because when I say "inspired" I guess I really mean it -
it makes me think and dive off in a direction -
not necessarily the same direction the source may have gone or ended up -
Which I find darn exciting.

However - for things that could be chosen by this lovely theater are:
our Odyssey piece "My Steps Toward You"- which sticks a bit closer to story line,
and a (yet to be set on bodies) Macbeth piece "In the Lady's Words"

Time to send a link to my friend with the link! Ha! Words are funny.
Click. Click....

Flurry in spring

There are many small parts floating around right now trying to find their place in my brain -
This is, of course, also part of the process - letting the segments float, until, in a moment of focus, each finds their home in the work (or gets cut out in editing!)

Right now however, there is a sense of snowfall in my brain -
Each part is unique, but in a moment of blurry vision chances becoming a fuzzy pile of "same" white noise

I'm not really doing justice to snowfall...or my brain....
but - maybe you get my drift - oops!...pun alert!

Instead of bad puns.....how about this one - its not a dance - yet.

Street Signs and Distance

in a face ready to smile
i find joy
i want to hold -
my eyes open
in
a lit room on 10^th St.
full of dances
clinging
salty and laughing
in a small studio
on Bleeker St
a sleepy love duet
is replaying
down on 14^th St.
while
limbs, mind and empty spaces
are excavating freedom in orange
beyond 200^th St

Empty III

Quietly sitting in the heart
of time
a
Space
of
you
Without you

Ever Random

An old woman was standing near the ambulance
the old man was in the gurney, pale.
My hand reached into my pocket and hit "2" ("1" is voicemail)
Out of love, and worry.
And because people should get old. And get that way together, as couples in whatever configuration or as a community...but get old...see life... as much of it as possible....
Not hidden in a cave of pre-made images and self doubt...that's not life.
That's a slow __________
I know not everyone gets that, parents, siblings, friends...I know. And I'm not even saying that I am that other person for you...(I even said as much) But if you have life...
If you have it in you.... then hold on to it and see it...look it in the face and lick it damn it.
Or whatever you want to do to it. Personal preference over-rides....

Time to get back into rehearsal.

Mouth off...Nicely

Here I am. standing near you.

Does it move/nudge/interest you?
Have the cells of your skin moved at all?
Am I thinking too much?
Of course I am. I always am. That's how dances get made.
But wait. I know where the hairs on your arm are, I know what you'll do if I lean back into you
Or I think I...
wait.
Here I go again, again.
If
I close my eyes I remember what your lips feel like. the soft curve.
Stubble (I'm always a day late)
and that I always want an extra one.
Either they are nice or I am greedy.........perhaps both.

and there it is. The empty has moved its way into my mind. I question words, over think moments and melodramatically consider never speaking to you again.
But I can't do that -
Souls connect and
"part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time."
so for now I'll think about
Leaning backwards and getting caught by desire,
Consider reaching out to be lightly kissed...
Find contentment with my independence and empty while making fabulous mind altering revelations about my own near and far future.

Devil May Care - by The Devils Panties

A Recipe...or, Commission if you Will.....

Take the same text - Kinesis Project's "Standing Room"
The concept of being in the same place at the same time and riffing on it.
Use dancers and/or non-dancers to see what answers come with the request of
understanding.
Is this a commission? I believe it is.
I ask the world-wide creative community to Play....
Here is the text:

This.
This is what I'm saying:
If I stayed here, and you
Came here
Then we would be standing in the same spot
at the same moment.
This one.
And that would be
Lack of distance
Covered by bodies -
and I wouldn't have to miss you,
or
Think I missed you.

This is how we do it:

RePast...II

Views from the Street
first draft.

it resurges.
walks past you
on a too warm day.
the cool warmth of old lovers
in eyes and words.
married, said. happy, underneath.

choices. of cobblestone streets
front stoop views.
white and black paws.
kitchen table giggles.

both late. late for work. late bloomers.
but blooming.
open
choices are open doors.
to vows, future, uptown healing, support....
or dreams, flight and future choices.

Homework

I am taking an intensive workshop being offered by the forever wonderful Dance NYC
called Entrepreneurship & Renewal -
(Yes, some of you have heard me stumble through trying to say that recently - damned "L" kept trying to show up in "Entrepreneurship")
Anyway, its pretty great - I think some of my classmates and I have questions on how it will all sieve out in the end - or, maybe a better way to put it is: "With all these high ideas, can you please just give me some TOOLS to sustain an arts organization in NYC???? Please?"
(photos to right are Weena Pauly of Brian Brooks Moving Company)
But I think we are heading there -
Ronnie Brooks has offered some wonderful honing techniques - paying attention to core values as what motivates your work & life while recognizing and calling out your purpose -
Actually here's something she said regarding life goals:

If you are not taking action and steps towards a life goal (big or small) on your list, it will first become a source of frustration, but could turn into a deeper sense of defeat. If you aren't working towards it, or you don't really want it - Take it Off the List.

Also here's a little tidbit that is a good one to keep:

Do not confuse Habits with Rules.

Finally (whew, this is a long blog...I'm tired.) She asked us to write a single page on "Where Do I Come From"
Here's mine...thought you might like to know.

Dance NYC
Entrepreneurship and Renewal
4/17-4/18/2007

I was built in a farmhouse, a beach, a sailboat
Climbing trees, dancing on sand, running through woods, looking for trouble.
I have been thrown out of doors, fallen off roofing out of branches and from ropes
I have a healthy respect for gravity.
I was always a dancer -
Mom says when she was pregnant with me, she would come out of music concerts feeling like she had been beaten from the inside out

I come from a family filled with love and warmth with hugs and back scratches
Willing to punish, vanquish or yell if you misbehave

And always it is said:
Do what you love, money will happen.
Who knew that what I would love was going to turn out to be so difficult.
But the money will come. Just in more creative doses.

My Mom thinks I can revolutionize anything.
I would like to learn to continue changing myself for the better.
My Dad thinks the New York Times should review everything I do and give me accolades.
I would like it if an independent reviewer saw my work and enjoyed it.

In the 1950's My mother was told by a guidance counselor that she wouldn't become a doctor
So instead, every aspect of nursing she has stepped into she has become a point of State or National reference -
My Sister had Lyme Disease...my mother read up on it, began an initiative of doctors to act on diagnoses of the mysterious disease and was brought in all over the state to speak on it -
Mom had a concern about the lack of early diagnosis in young women for Breast Cancer - she is now on the board of the American Cancer Society and the primary Nurse Practitioner called when more traditional doctors won’t pay attention and a second opinion is needed.
My mother doesn’t “just kind of” do anything. She loves deeply. She creates flower gardens.
And she isn’t very good at comprehending limitations.

My Dad is a sailor first a music lover second and a business owner third. His constant love of sailing taught me at an early age what it is to have a passion that can be so easily fulfilled - if easy is waking up at 6 am on a Saturday to scrape old paint that 6 months ago was new paint off an old hull that in two weeks is going to get put in the water so that in 6 months you do it all over again. (And that’s when its easy)
His satisfaction is in the completion, the putter of a re-built engine, the unfurling of the Jenny, the power of raising sails with your hands while the tiler is tied down, and finally sitting with a harmonica and a beer; steering the wind to keep you going down bay.
Dad knows where he finds joy and what he loves, he is strong enough to weep and always seemed capable of carrying anything.

Our lives, especially their lives, have changed greatly in forty years of marriage - but I know that thanks to my parents, I have stepped away from my youth with a sense of wonderment, joy and intense determination.

Very few things scare me -
Perhaps it’s the martial arts I have learned, the heights I know my body can climb, or a general sense that I possess the power to hurt something that tries to hurt me.
However, in my arsenal against fear I possess a sense of worth and love that moves through me at a level so deep that tears are the main way it bubbles to the surface - the embedded source of that tributary is my parents and the home they built, the hilarity we’ve experienced, pain we’ve shared and the love that has sustained us.

What is there to be afraid of? Being an artist in New York City?
I was built for this.